Lessons In A Winter Wonderland

A man can be inspired by a lot of things.  You never know what.  It can be a sunset, a billboard…or even the actions of a little girl.

If you’ve been watching the news lately, you know that the North Eastern states have been getting their collective asses kicked by Mother Nature. Last week, the region got over 24 inches of snow and right now, it’s getting another 24.  It’s been brutal with blankets of white coming with cold, harsh winds.

I spent part of the afternoon shoveling my car out in the blizzard; if you wait too long, the snow freezes, and you’re shoveling heavy blocks of white ice. I’d been out there for about a half hour when a little girl approached me with her own little shovel and starts digging right beside me.  She couldn’t be any older than six.  I turned to her and smiled as she swung her shovel back and forth.  She made more of a mess than anything, but she tried as hard as she could.

We’d been digging for about 10 minutes before her mother called to her to come inside. She yelled back, “Mom, I’m helping the man shovel snow.  I’ll be in in a minute.”  I turned to tell her that she should listen to her mother and go inside.

“Mister, you sure you’ll be ok with out me?  It’s a lot of snow.”

“Yes,” I chuckled,”I’ll be fine.  And thank you.”

She threw her shovel over her shoulder after a hard 10 minutes’ work and left.  But she did more work than I did all day.  Because it was genuine.  All she wanted to do was help.  She didn’t want anything for it. I offered her a few bucks as she left but she said she was just glad to help.

And as they say a good deed in infectious.  After I finished with my car, I walked over to another guy who was shoveling and helped him.  And then he in turn went to help someone else.

That little girl’s actions inspired me to help someone else.   It also made me think of why I started this blog: to tell my story and to help other people where I can.  If I can help someone be a better man, that’s a good thing.

Maybe there are some good people out there after all.  It’s sad that most of them are probably still in the first grade.

Feel free to comment.

BlockStandard.com

Afternoon, Man Among Boys readers.  Instead of giving you a blog today, I want to tell you about a new collaboration called Block Standard (www.blockstandard.com).

Block Standard is a collective of like-minded and like mission men who decided to pool their individual insights into one blog for the immediate dissemination of information that enables you to improve your money-making capabilities. You’re going to get a lot of different views from different people from a lot of different angles, each building on the other.

The goal is to empower you with knowledge.  What you do with it is completely up to you.

Block Standard…“Redefine Your Corner”

Don’t Be Scared To Take An A** Whuppin…

Nobody likes to lose.  Thanks just how we were brought up.  To win.  To do our best…and if we do our best, we can call ourselves the victor and hoist the trophy high above our heads.

That isn’t always a good thing.

I remember reading an article in the December 14 edition of ESPN The Magazine by Jay Bilas (not usually a fan of his, but it make for good reading while in the sauna).  He was talking about the value of playing in early tournaments in college basketball, and made some very good points.  In those early tournaments, teams usually play out very good, out-of-conference teams instead of their usual in-conference cupcakes. A lot of times they’re in a tough matchup or even lose, but there can be some value in that.

In the article, Bilas quotes Michigan State coach Tom Izzo as saying “You’re fooling yourself if you think you can be ready without playing the best teams early.  But you can’t be fooled when you’re getting your butt kicked in a fistfight. You need that fistfight to get better, to evaluate your team and yourself.”

That got me to thinking about how we can apply that in life. A man shouldn’t be afraid to test himself against a tough challenge, whether that be interviewing for a new position or trying to step out on your own.  Whether you fail or succeed, you’ll learn a lot about yourself that you can build on.

Taking a loss will let you know what you have to work on.  It could expose the slightest detail that you’re lacking.  You might be good at initiating contact, but suck at “closing the deal.” You might be able to develop new ideas, but your ability to present them to the powers-that-be might be lacking.  Develop these and that will make you stronger.

However, if you take a greater challenge and succeed, that’s a great confidence boost and confirms that you’re ready to move on to bigger and better things.  Dunking on your 5 year old little brother says that you have a twisted view of family time.  Dunking on Lebron James says that you might be ready to don an NBA uniform yourself.

But the key to all of this is that…you can’t be scared to take an ass whuppin.  You can’t be scared to take a greater challenge because you might fail.  You can’t think about the fact that you might fail.  It you take the greater challenge, you just might surprise yourself.

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. – Michael Jordan, arguably the greatest player of all time

I think that says it all.  Feel free to comment.

Welcome To 2010…Ready or Not

Evening, all.  By the time you read this, I’ll have made my annual trek to Atlanta to celebrate New Years Eve.  I love Atlanta.  I have some good friends there and the party scene is just what I need to end a very trying 2009.  I’m going to go out tonight and pop a few bottles with some friends, and maybe even make some new ones.  You know, cut loose a little bit and act a fool…within reason, of course.

This year was troubling, but I did get a few things accomplished.  I was able to move on and put the past behind me, as you’ve read in some of my posts.  I started this blog to reach out to people and tell what men are all about.  I was able to refocus and get back to doing ME.  I guess those are a few good things.

We all talk about making New Year’s resolutions as if they are going to be the gateway to some magical new lifestyle.  Some people believe in them, some people don’t.  I’m not going to debate with you about whether they work or not.  As Henry Ford said, “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.”

I’ve decided it’s time to make a change.  Not the type of hopeful, Obama change, but the type of real, soul-searching change what will decide my future and what I’ll do moving forward (Note:  Get it in gear, Mr. President.  We need to see more of the change you promised in 2010.)

That brings me to my New Year’s resolution that I’m going to make, my change.  I’m going to live by a quote I was taught by a supervisor I used to work under, Mr. Wingate.  When I was in college, I worked at the state’s central branch of the Post Office loading bulk containers onto trucks.  Whenever you told him you couldn’t be done, you got the same answer from him…

“I can’t accept can’t.”

Somehow, I’d forgotten that I.  I’d changed from the cocky, young SOB who wasn’t afraid to try anything to a guy who was more timid.  F*** that.  I can’t be that guy anymore.  I’m not that guy anymore.  So that’s my resolution for 2010, to live by ”I can’t accept can’t.”

(That and “That’s not puttin’ chips in my pocket, pat-naaaa!”  Shout out to Freeman.  If you haven’t checked out his site, take a look at Rise And Grind ( www.riseandgrind.com).  It’s a good read.)

I’d be interested to hear about your resolutions.  What changes are you making for the New Year?  And why aren’t you starting them now?

So go out tonight, party, dance, sip some champagne or grape juice for my 21 and under friends, and have a great time.  But get home safe.

Have a Happy New Year.  Feel free to comment.

Act Your Age

I have to face facts…I’m getting older.  But that’s all a part of growing up.  A part of becoming a man among boys.

That’s why it always irks me to hear people say they’re “young at heart” and “you’re only as old as you feel.”  It’s every easy to take those statements out of context.

People often use those as excuses not to grow up.

On his  “Kingdom Come” album” (not his best work, but ok), Jay-Z even made song called “30 Something” where he talks about 30 being the new 20.

Sorry, bro…30 is 30.

When people say things like “young at heart”, they fool themselves into thinking they have more time than they do.  They think that they have time plan for retirement, time to solidify their career, time to start a family.  That’s very dangerous.

Life is just a series of decisions you make that are strung together.  Once you go down a path it, helps to determine your future choices.  Time is something you can’t get back once you lose it. There is an old quote that goes “each day brings 86,400 seconds, whatever isn’t used is gone forever”.  You can’t get that back, no matter how many miles you run, how many vitamins you take, or how much plastic surgery you get.  You can’t turn back the clock, no matter how much you try to fool yourself into thinking you can.

Instead of looking back and trying to recapture youth, why don’t we look forward and try to build a future?  You’ll be older much longer than you’ll be younger, so isn’t that what you should prepare for?

I think a lot of what drives us to want to go back is fear and responsibility.  15 years ago, my only responsibilities were to make sure I got to class on time and that I wore protection so I didn’t have any kids.  Now, I have a son of my own, bills to pay, strategic responsibilities at the office, and taxes to pay to Uncle Sam’s bum ass (get yo hands out my pockets!).  There’s a lot more at stake now.

There’s also a lot more opportunity. Sure things can and will go wrong, but what if things go right.  With the experience and resources, you can accomplish a lot.  Fear is just an opportunity to prove yourself.

Stop always looking to go back.  As Billy Joel sang, “the good ol’ days weren’t always good, and tomorrow ain’t as bad as it seems.”

Will you start acting your age?  Feel free to comment.

Show Some Pride

This post will be short because:

1. a picture says 1000 words
2. I shouldn’t have to tell grown men to give their all in what they do.

Part of being a man is to be proud in one’s work and to give your best effort at all times.  Therefore, I must give the Chicago Bulls effort against the Toronto Raptors on December 5th a vote of “Just Not Manly”.  Their play was not TrueMan approved.

It isn’t because they lost by 32 points.  That happens sometimes; you win some, you lose some.  Sometimes you lose big because the other team was that much better than you on that given night.

However, effort is something entirely different.  I don’t care how badly you beat me or how bad the situation is, you’re going to know you’ve been in a fight.  That’s why when I saw this from Saturday nights effort against the Toronto Raptors I was shocked.

Yes, the game was well in hand, and the Bulls were going to lose, but to allow someone to bend over and tie their shoes during the game is unacceptable. At least run up and guard him and try to steal the ball.  Try to salvage something from this night that you can hold your head up high about.

This is something that not only applies in sports but in life.  It applies in your work, your relationships, your hustle, your dreams.  Like Kanye West says in his song Champion, “To me givin’ up’s way harder than tryin’.”

(Note: That is probably the first and last positive reference you’ll see me give to Kanye West.  Mark the date).

If you’re lax in some things, you’re probably lax in all.  At least try and act like you care.  At least try and act like you want to win, no matter what the final score says.

Chicago Bulls…it’s time to man up.

“This Is It” – Lessons From “The Gloved One”

Recently, I took my son to see “This Is It”, the film compilation of rehearsal, behind-the-scenes footage for Michael Jackson’s “This Is It” concert series that was to be held for 100 shows in London.  We got our tickets, popcorn, and soda, and expected to see an entertaining film about Michael Jackson, complete with the timeless moonwalk, a “scha-mon” here and there, and endless soundbites of “he-he”.  Instead I learned a lot more.

Michael Jackson was a hustler.  And a damn good one too.

He had you all fooled into thinking he was all about zipper pants, glittery gloves and wearing white socks with everything.   People talk about MJ because of child molestation accusations, Bubbles, carrying around a grown man like a 3-year-old (what ever happened to Emanuel Lewis?), or his battles with Vitiligo (hey, give him a break).  But Michael Jackson was about his business; his business just happened to be music.  In watching the film, I learned that Michael Jackson knew what a lot of us so-called business types still have failed to learn:

Love over Money

Through out the film, Michael kept talking about the love of what he was doing and the passion that follows it.  That’s key, and a lot of us miss it.  We’re so quick chasing a dollar that when we get it, it’s hard to hold onto because of how we got there.  Listen to most successful people.  Not your “guys” like Floyd Mayweather and those Cash Money Morons who throw money in the air every chance they get.  Not guys that will probably be broke in 10 years.  I’m talking about your Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, Russell Simmonds.  They rarely talk about money first.  It’s almost as if the money is a product of something when you love what you do.  More attention is on staying true to the craft and what you do.

Focus on Service/Quality Of The Product

It’s been said there are three components of business: Price, Product, and Service/Quality.  If you have to focus on of them, I’d focus on Service/Quality.  It’s the only aspect of any business that is unique to the provider and can’t really be duplicated.

Too often, we focus on the Price and the Product itself; that’ really a mistake.  Focusing on price will cause you to lose business as soon as your competitor’s price is lower than yours.  Walmart has been doing that for decades.

Products become outdated, so focusing on the product itself is also a losing proposition.  I’m guessing that you haven’t used your VCR in years, and you might not even know what an eight-track player is.  Someone will always come around and build a better “mouse trap.”

Michael Jackson focused on the quality of his music.  There is a lot of music today that sounds better because of sound engineers, digital recording, and the autotune, but is the quality there? Will it be around 20 years from now? The hooks today are better, but I can almost guarantee you Chris Brown and Lil’ Wayne will be forgotten about in 20 years.  Michael’s music has lasted generations, from the Jackson 5 to his last album “Invincible”, and was indelible to everyone that heard it.  People say that his last album flopped; yeah, it flopped to about 13 million sales worldwide.  Most artists would dream to “flop” an album like that.  His best-selling album was Thriller, which did well over 100 million in sales world-wide.

But the biggest reason I know Michael Jackson put out a quality product was because of my son.  My son was singing along with a lot of his songs word for word.  It wasn’t just my kid, either.  There were dozens of parents in there with children from about age 5 up that were singing along.  You don’t last that long in any game unless you pour quality into your product.

Attention To Detail

One particular scene I remember was when  Michael and his producer were going over the music for “The Way You Make Me Feel.”  They were going over the intro and Michael kept harping on how he needed to make the intro “simmer” before going into the main part of the song.  The sticking point was one note.  ONE note.  One.  Not a whole bar, just one note that was dropping too early.  They must have gone over that 5 – 6 times before it got Michael’s approval, and he wasn’t moving off of what he wanted.

If Michael didn’t hear or see what he wanted, he stopped rehearsal and they did it again until they got it right.  Everything else seemed to flow, but if there was one aspect that didn’t quite work, the whole piece didn’t work.

Michael Jackson knew that people will demand success and remember your failures.  If you’re going to do something, do it right until it’s where you want it to be.

Be Hands On

Every great hustler/entrepreneur makes sure they are a part of the process in each aspect.  I remember years ago when Toni Braxton was on Oprah and she was saying how it was hard to manage millions of dollars so she had accountants and managers handling most of the money.  Oprah quickly pointed out that she still signed every check for Harpo Productions to makes sure she knew where the money was going.

I believe Oprah is currently sitting on about $1.5 billion right now.  Toni Braxton…not so much.

This doesn’t mean be micro-managing. Hire the right people and trust them to make good decision, but only a fool would leave their entire operation in someone else’s hands.  You need to know what’s going on.  Michael Jackson was hands on, even on what seemed to be menial tasks.  He  was even present at the dancer auditions, pointing out flaws and picking out the ones he wanted.  This could have been left to the dance choreographers, but if the dancers were going to be an “extension of Michael” as it was put, he wanted to make sure he was a part of the process.

“This Is It” taught me a lot about Michael Jackson’s drive to be successful, but it also gave me tools I could take away and apply in my own life and push to be successful.

It almost made me want to give him a pass for wearing skinny jeans and those damn Captain Crunch looking jackets throughout the entire film.

…almost.

Rest in Peace, MJ.

Game, Set, Match…

I was at a female friend’s place last Sunday watching a few of the football games.  Nothing sexual.  We’ve always flirted, but we kept it at that.  We kicked back on the sofa, threw a few pillows back and forth, ordered a pizza, and got ready for a full day of watching what many be the manliest of all sports.

She sat there in her t-shirt and oversized sweats, with her hair pulled back in a single pony tail.  No make up or perfume.  Just two friends layin’ back.

Out of the blue she says to me perhaps the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard…

“Notice how Eli (Manning) always says “Omaha” right before the snapcount they’re going on.  He might need to switch that up. The defense is starting to catch on.”

My head quickly snapped to.  Huh? How did she catch onto that?? And she said it before the announcer says the same thing.

Suddenly, she seemed to glow a bit, almost radiant.  A while later…

“Idiot!! Why would you pass on 3rd and a mile inside your own 10 yard line? You’ve given the other team great field position on the kickoff.  Why don’t you just give the game away? Moron.”

I smiled at her as she started talking about how the coach has been calling boneheaded plays all game, but I wasn’t paying attention.   I just kept staring at her longingly.  Luckily, I was able to come to my senses and focus on the game.

I almost got trapped.

Fellas, it can happen to you too.  Beware.  Nowadays, women are infiltrating the inner sanctum of our mancaves.  Football Sundays are no longer just ours.  Women are watching boxing more and more.  The commissioner of my fantasy football league is a woman (she’s good too).

It’s not a new concept.  We men have been doing that for years.  Tell me you haven’t tried to cook a woman a meal to impress her. Tell me you didn’t watch Eddie Murphy as Marcus Graham in the movie “Boomerang” put on his mac and seduce Lela Rochon’s fine ass  and say….”Hmmmm, rosemary, huh.  I’ll have to add some of that next time I cook salmon” (great movie, rent if you haven’t seen it).

I’ve talked with female friends of mine that admitted to me they learned more about a sport to trap a man.  I’m not saying that there aren’t some women out there that are genuinely interested in football, but when a female friend of yours starts breaking down the zone blitz to you, your radar should be going up.

Women are smart fellas.  No longer are they thinking “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”  Now, they’re telling you why a wide receiver’s yards after catch should be higher.

If a girl you’re dating know more about your favorite sport than you, she’s got a plan.

I’m just trying to look out for you.

What are your thoughts? Feel free to comment.

Winners and Losers

Fellas, we have to stop lying to our kids.  We have to stop sugar coating things and tell them the truth.  There are winners and losers in life.  That’s just the way it goes.

I was at one of my son’s martial arts tournaments a little while ago and overheard a parent talking to her son before his match.  She gave him a big hug and told him as long as he tried his best, everything would be ok.

The little boy went onto the mat and proceeded to get his ass handed to him.  Wasn’t even close.  As he ran off the mat bursting into tears, his mom ran over to him, gave him a big hug, and told him that as long as he had fun, that’s all that mattered.

That was one of the worse cases of parenting I’ve ever seen.  Horrible.  No excuse for it.

When did it become ok to be second rate?  When did we stop telling out kids the truth?  Our children depend on us to be their teachers and confidants as they grow up.  There are winners and losers, man up and accept it.

In life, not everyone gets a trophy just for taking part (another pet peeve of mine) .  Not everyone gets to be a winner all the time. It may take a little extra effort; that “trying your best” stuff will only lead to disappointment.

The world rates us in many things.  We are measured against each other in almost every facet of our lives, from job performance appraisals to college entrance exams.  If there weren’t winners and losers, there wouldn’t be standards.  Everyone would just get a “Tried Their Best” all the way down their report card.  Everyone would make every sports team they tried out for just because they showed up.  Mediocre would be the “in thing.”  There would be no incentive to try to be the best because you wouldn’t have to.

I remember reading a story about a girls’ high school basketball team in Dallas, TX.  The Covenant School beat their opponent, Dallas Academy, 100-0.  You read that correctly, 100-0.  Dallas Academy did not score a single point.  The Covenant School actually forefit the win and fired the coach.  What kind of crap is that??

Why did they forfeit the win?  What kind of lesson does that teach the girls at Covenant?  “Success and being the best is a bad thing?”  And what about the lesson that teaches the girls at Dallas Academy. “You can be subpar and not measure up.  Someone will be there to bail you out?”

And you wonder why we have a nation of C students.  That’s what we’re teaching them to be.

Sometimes, just trying isn’t good enough.  It’s best to let our children know that now before they grow up and find that life may not work out the way they want it to, even when they do their best.  They may actually have to put in extra effort to measure up.

You candy asses out there need to man up and teach your kids the way the real world works.  Better they learn now from someone who loves them than from someone who doesn’t give a damn and will just tell them, “Oh well. Sucks to be you.”

Back to the martial arts tournament.  My son had the next match.  He looked at me, smiled, and said “I’m ready.”  I told him I wanted to go in there, kick butt…and win.  Yes, win.  And he did.

After a few matches, he lost.  He was disappointed.  I put my arm around him and told him that everyone loses at something at one time or another, and that the most important thing was to learn from his loss. I told him that he wouldn’t be getting a trophy because he didn’t advance far enough in the tournament.

Then I asked him how losing felt.  With a tear in his eye, he replied, “It sucks.”  He also told me that he didn’t like the way losing felt, and that he would work harder to become better so he wouldn’t have to lose again.  He told me he wanted to win.

Lesson learned.

Feel free to comment.