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Posts Tagged ‘Success’

Lessons In A Winter Wonderland

February 10, 2010 10 comments

A man can be inspired by a lot of things.  You never know what.  It can be a sunset, a billboard…or even the actions of a little girl.

If you’ve been watching the news lately, you know that the North Eastern states have been getting their collective asses kicked by Mother Nature. Last week, the region got over 24 inches of snow and right now, it’s getting another 24.  It’s been brutal with blankets of white coming with cold, harsh winds.

I spent part of the afternoon shoveling my car out in the blizzard; if you wait too long, the snow freezes, and you’re shoveling heavy blocks of white ice. I’d been out there for about a half hour when a little girl approached me with her own little shovel and starts digging right beside me.  She couldn’t be any older than six.  I turned to her and smiled as she swung her shovel back and forth.  She made more of a mess than anything, but she tried as hard as she could.

We’d been digging for about 10 minutes before her mother called to her to come inside. She yelled back, “Mom, I’m helping the man shovel snow.  I’ll be in in a minute.”  I turned to tell her that she should listen to her mother and go inside.

“Mister, you sure you’ll be ok with out me?  It’s a lot of snow.”

“Yes,” I chuckled,”I’ll be fine.  And thank you.”

She threw her shovel over her shoulder after a hard 10 minutes’ work and left.  But she did more work than I did all day.  Because it was genuine.  All she wanted to do was help.  She didn’t want anything for it. I offered her a few bucks as she left but she said she was just glad to help.

And as they say a good deed in infectious.  After I finished with my car, I walked over to another guy who was shoveling and helped him.  And then he in turn went to help someone else.

That little girl’s actions inspired me to help someone else.   It also made me think of why I started this blog: to tell my story and to help other people where I can.  If I can help someone be a better man, that’s a good thing.

Maybe there are some good people out there after all.  It’s sad that most of them are probably still in the first grade.

Feel free to comment.

That’s Right

February 6, 2010 6 comments

I was going to put another post on here when I came across these pictures online.  There isn’t anything more manly than this.

Feel free to comment.

BlockStandard.com

February 1, 2010 1 comment

Afternoon, Man Among Boys readers.  Instead of giving you a blog today, I want to tell you about a new collaboration called Block Standard (www.blockstandard.com).

Block Standard is a collective of like-minded and like mission men who decided to pool their individual insights into one blog for the immediate dissemination of information that enables you to improve your money-making capabilities. You’re going to get a lot of different views from different people from a lot of different angles, each building on the other.

The goal is to empower you with knowledge.  What you do with it is completely up to you.

Block Standard…“Redefine Your Corner”

Don’t Be Scared To Take An A** Whuppin…

January 17, 2010 12 comments

Nobody likes to lose.  Thanks just how we were brought up.  To win.  To do our best…and if we do our best, we can call ourselves the victor and hoist the trophy high above our heads.

That isn’t always a good thing.

I remember reading an article in the December 14 edition of ESPN The Magazine by Jay Bilas (not usually a fan of his, but it make for good reading while in the sauna).  He was talking about the value of playing in early tournaments in college basketball, and made some very good points.  In those early tournaments, teams usually play out very good, out-of-conference teams instead of their usual in-conference cupcakes. A lot of times they’re in a tough matchup or even lose, but there can be some value in that.

In the article, Bilas quotes Michigan State coach Tom Izzo as saying “You’re fooling yourself if you think you can be ready without playing the best teams early.  But you can’t be fooled when you’re getting your butt kicked in a fistfight. You need that fistfight to get better, to evaluate your team and yourself.”

That got me to thinking about how we can apply that in life. A man shouldn’t be afraid to test himself against a tough challenge, whether that be interviewing for a new position or trying to step out on your own.  Whether you fail or succeed, you’ll learn a lot about yourself that you can build on.

Taking a loss will let you know what you have to work on.  It could expose the slightest detail that you’re lacking.  You might be good at initiating contact, but suck at “closing the deal.” You might be able to develop new ideas, but your ability to present them to the powers-that-be might be lacking.  Develop these and that will make you stronger.

However, if you take a greater challenge and succeed, that’s a great confidence boost and confirms that you’re ready to move on to bigger and better things.  Dunking on your 5 year old little brother says that you have a twisted view of family time.  Dunking on Lebron James says that you might be ready to don an NBA uniform yourself.

But the key to all of this is that…you can’t be scared to take an ass whuppin.  You can’t be scared to take a greater challenge because you might fail.  You can’t think about the fact that you might fail.  It you take the greater challenge, you just might surprise yourself.

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. – Michael Jordan, arguably the greatest player of all time

I think that says it all.  Feel free to comment.

Welcome To 2010…Ready or Not

December 31, 2009 14 comments

Evening, all.  By the time you read this, I’ll have made my annual trek to Atlanta to celebrate New Years Eve.  I love Atlanta.  I have some good friends there and the party scene is just what I need to end a very trying 2009.  I’m going to go out tonight and pop a few bottles with some friends, and maybe even make some new ones.  You know, cut loose a little bit and act a fool…within reason, of course.

This year was troubling, but I did get a few things accomplished.  I was able to move on and put the past behind me, as you’ve read in some of my posts.  I started this blog to reach out to people and tell what men are all about.  I was able to refocus and get back to doing ME.  I guess those are a few good things.

We all talk about making New Year’s resolutions as if they are going to be the gateway to some magical new lifestyle.  Some people believe in them, some people don’t.  I’m not going to debate with you about whether they work or not.  As Henry Ford said, “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.”

I’ve decided it’s time to make a change.  Not the type of hopeful, Obama change, but the type of real, soul-searching change what will decide my future and what I’ll do moving forward (Note:  Get it in gear, Mr. President.  We need to see more of the change you promised in 2010.)

That brings me to my New Year’s resolution that I’m going to make, my change.  I’m going to live by a quote I was taught by a supervisor I used to work under, Mr. Wingate.  When I was in college, I worked at the state’s central branch of the Post Office loading bulk containers onto trucks.  Whenever you told him you couldn’t be done, you got the same answer from him…

“I can’t accept can’t.”

Somehow, I’d forgotten that I.  I’d changed from the cocky, young SOB who wasn’t afraid to try anything to a guy who was more timid.  F*** that.  I can’t be that guy anymore.  I’m not that guy anymore.  So that’s my resolution for 2010, to live by ”I can’t accept can’t.”

(That and “That’s not puttin’ chips in my pocket, pat-naaaa!”  Shout out to Freeman.  If you haven’t checked out his site, take a look at Rise And Grind ( www.riseandgrind.com).  It’s a good read.)

I’d be interested to hear about your resolutions.  What changes are you making for the New Year?  And why aren’t you starting them now?

So go out tonight, party, dance, sip some champagne or grape juice for my 21 and under friends, and have a great time.  But get home safe.

Have a Happy New Year.  Feel free to comment.

Act Your Age

December 21, 2009 10 comments

I have to face facts…I’m getting older.  But that’s all a part of growing up.  A part of becoming a man among boys.

That’s why it always irks me to hear people say they’re “young at heart” and “you’re only as old as you feel.”  It’s every easy to take those statements out of context.

People often use those as excuses not to grow up.

On his  “Kingdom Come” album” (not his best work, but ok), Jay-Z even made song called “30 Something” where he talks about 30 being the new 20.

Sorry, bro…30 is 30.

When people say things like “young at heart”, they fool themselves into thinking they have more time than they do.  They think that they have time plan for retirement, time to solidify their career, time to start a family.  That’s very dangerous.

Life is just a series of decisions you make that are strung together.  Once you go down a path it, helps to determine your future choices.  Time is something you can’t get back once you lose it. There is an old quote that goes “each day brings 86,400 seconds, whatever isn’t used is gone forever”.  You can’t get that back, no matter how many miles you run, how many vitamins you take, or how much plastic surgery you get.  You can’t turn back the clock, no matter how much you try to fool yourself into thinking you can.

Instead of looking back and trying to recapture youth, why don’t we look forward and try to build a future?  You’ll be older much longer than you’ll be younger, so isn’t that what you should prepare for?

I think a lot of what drives us to want to go back is fear and responsibility.  15 years ago, my only responsibilities were to make sure I got to class on time and that I wore protection so I didn’t have any kids.  Now, I have a son of my own, bills to pay, strategic responsibilities at the office, and taxes to pay to Uncle Sam’s bum ass (get yo hands out my pockets!).  There’s a lot more at stake now.

There’s also a lot more opportunity. Sure things can and will go wrong, but what if things go right.  With the experience and resources, you can accomplish a lot.  Fear is just an opportunity to prove yourself.

Stop always looking to go back.  As Billy Joel sang, “the good ol’ days weren’t always good, and tomorrow ain’t as bad as it seems.”

Will you start acting your age?  Feel free to comment.

The Monster In My Closet

December 17, 2009 24 comments

Part of being a man is admitting your fears and getting them out.  This post is as much for me as it is for you to read; call it a cleansing of the soul or facing my fears or whatever shi*t you want to call it.  It’s just something I have to get off my chest.

There’s a monster in my closet that I’m afraid of.  I’m scared to death of it.  It nearly killed me the last time; I barely got away.  I remember sitting in my living room with my head in my hands, wonder how I was going to go on…or even if I should.

Those who know me, who know the real me, know that the last few years have been really rough emotionally.  My life was turned upside down (you know there was a woman involved) and I got hit from the blind side.  Fifteen years…gone in an instant.

When it first happened, I went through a really deep depression.  I didn’t want to go out or see anyone.  My best friend was the bottle of vodka I’d nurse until I fell asleep.  I was fully functional to those who didn’t know; I was promoted twice at work and received several accolades.  But once I got home and closed the door, I was alone, and the monster would come out of the closet.

The monster was me.  A depressed, unmotivated, self-destructive me.  A me I didn’t recognize when I looked in the mirror. This monster looked timid and afraid.  I didn’t recognize it. I didn’t recognize me.

There would be days I wouldn’t shave, get dressed, or even bathe.  I didn’t care if I ate or slept.  I’d just stay in bed.  Days seemed passed without me even knowing sometimes.  I’d was a walking corpse; I was dead inside.

There were times when death seemed a reprieve.   I was dead anyway; I just happened to be breathing.

I’m telling you this because the monster nearly came out of the closet again.  It wasn’t because of a woman; it was just because of life.  Things are a little tough right now.  Stress is building and my motivation was sloping.  For the past few days, I hadn’t gone to the gym (those that know me are probably shocked; I’m a ritual 6 day per week guy).  I’d look at the phone and just let it ring; I didn’t want to talk to anyone.  This feeling seemed too familiar; the monster was coming out again..

Am I crazy?  A lil’ bit.

But something happened today.  I woke up early, 6 AM. I laid in bed with my eyes opened.  I rubbed my overgrown facial hair.  I looked around my messy room; clothes and papers were everywhere. But something changed today.

I told myself, “Get up.”  And I did.  The monster wasn’t going to get me.  Not this time.

I cleaned up my bedroom, changed into my workout clothes, and headed for the gym.  I showered and shaved.  I felt like a brand new man.  I went to a casino and played a poker tournament.  My pocket Kings got cracked by a set of 3′s.  I laughed it off.  I didn’t make the final table, but it didn’t matter.  I was just having fun.  I did some Christmas shopping.  I called an old friend I hadn’t spoken to in a year.  I wrote a few blogs you’ll see here in the future.  I started reading a book.

In short…I decided to live.

The monster’s not going to get me.  Not this time.

Feel free to comment.

Castration in Hollywood

December 4, 2009 8 comments

I have witnessed the castration of a man in film.  It was horrible.

I almost feel sorry for Gerald Butler. He has gone from the manliest of men to a cowering wimp in the span of two films.

In the movie “300″, Butler started as the mighty King Leonidas of Sparta, a courageous leader and fearless warrior. He was the gold standard of what a man should be and yielded ground to no one.  When the Persian messenger threatened his country and mouthed off to his queen, he kindly let the messenger know how he felt about it by putting his foot up his ass and kicking him into a bottomless pit.  That was some real man sh*t.  Made me want to get my spear out of my closet and tag along.

Now, I’m not here to debate the historical accuracy of the film or how you feel about the courageous, light Spartans being pitted against the dark, evil Persians.  I’m just saying Leonidas was a bad muthaf*cka, and he wasn’t taking too much sh*t from anybody.

Fast forward to a film called “The Ugly Truth”, where Butler co-starred with Katherine Heigl as Mike Chadway, a public access TV host with a unique perspective on relationship.  At first, Chadway was on some manly stuff from his to-the-point insight to strippers in jello, but in the end, the turned into a little b*tch, confessing his love for Heigl’s character on some “happy ever after” bullsh*t.

(Some of the men reading this may be asking yourselves, “TrueMan, what the hell are you doing seeing ‘The Ugly Truth’?”  Fair question.  Let’s just say I was with a female acquaintance who wanted me to see it and she can be very…convincing.  Don’t act like I’m the only one that’s ever done that.)

Leonidas and Mike Chadway are the polar opposites of manliness in Hollywood.  I’m on Leonidas’ team.

Leonidas isn’t a cro-magnon, dragging wife by the hair and ordering her around. Quite the opposite.  He listens to his wife and takes her feelings and opinions into account, but he is the king and takes charge as he needs to.  Leonidas always makes sure his queen feels valued, but when it’s time to make a decision, he steps up the plate, mans up, and does what needs to be done.

Mike Chadway is a little punk ass who caves in at the end and lets himself get pushed around by Heigl until he breaks. Sad.

I’m not saying a man should be stone-faced or that he should never listen to his lady.  What I am saying is that a man should have a backbone and be a man.  If Leonidas met Mike Chadway in the street, he’d put his foot up his ass.

Hollywood, personally, I’d like to see more Leonidas-es than Chadways.  Give us better examples of what a man can be.  Save Chadway for Oprah when she does specials about “Men Who Lack Testicular Fortitude.”

THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!

Feel free to comment.

A Day Off?

November 17, 2009 4 comments

I had an interesting conversation with my father today.

My called to check up on my parents and see how they were (I’m a good son).  My father happened to be off and was looking forward to spending some time away from the office.

I asked him why he was off and he told me he had a furlough day.  My father works for the state and the state is in a bit of a budget crunch.  To save money, all state employees were given 5 days off without pay this year, so he was taking some of his time off.  The plan has worked so well that the state plans to continue this next year and may go as high as 10 days.

My father said he was looking forward to having the day off though.  He planned to get together with one of his friends, another state employee that was off, and they were going to go to New York City for the day and do some sight-seeing.  He’s big into that.

That time without pay thing is getting around as companies are trying to “right-size” budgets.  I have a few friends that have also been given time off with out pay. Some are taking the time do to handywork around the house.  Others are visiting family.  Others are taking the time to get away and take a vacation.  They’re enjoying their extended vacation time off…

…and that’s where the problem starts.

News Flash:  THIS IS NOT VACATION TIME.  THIS IS NOT PERSONAL TIME.  STOP THINKING OF IT THAT WAY.

You need to change your thinking.   If you company is “giving” you this time off, it’s not a good thing.  Basically, you’ve been laid off for a few days.  That’s a more accurate description.

This should be a wake up call.  Your company would rather be less productive and save money than pay you to come into the office and work.  I repeat, this is not a good thing.  It’s better than being out of a job, but not by much.  You can bet your company is considering that and already had a plan in place in case things come to that.  What you need to do is plan a strategy for your to become more self-sufficient and less dependent on your job for a paycheck.

There are a lot of options out there; you just have to think outside the box a little.  I saw a little girl on the Wendy Williams show…..

Ok, let me explain that one. I’m a virtual employee, so I work from home.  I don’t watch a lot of daytime TV, but I happened to be channel surfing and Wendy Williams was on.  She had a little girl who basically thought outside the box and put together “haircare baskets” from existing products.  She made $100,000 last year…at age 13.   If that’s not inspiration to look for gaps in the marketplace, I don’t know what is.

I know some of you are thinking that these are just some bad economic times and that you’ll “ride the wave” until things pick up and everything will go back to the way it was.  Guess again.  If your employer was getting anything close to the production they were getting with fewer employees or man hours, why would they go back to spending more money when they don’t have to. It’s more likely that your company will continue doing “more with less”, using the fear of losing your job as motivation to keep people doing more.

You need to dig your head out of the sand, and quickly.  There are lots of things that can be done for you to help secure your own financial future.  Even if you don’t make $100,000 on your own, I’m sure if you did something part time and  made and extra $1000 a month, that would help out if you were to suddenly lose your job.

I also have some furlough time coming.  Instead of taking a vacation, I’m going to head to the library (yes, they still exist) and visit the Small Business Development Center.  That will give me a lot of ideas on how to free myself from the grip of corporate America and invest in my own future.

What will you with your day off?  Feel free to comment.

“This Is It” – Lessons From “The Gloved One”

November 16, 2009 Leave a comment

Recently, I took my son to see “This Is It”, the film compilation of rehearsal, behind-the-scenes footage for Michael Jackson’s “This Is It” concert series that was to be held for 100 shows in London.  We got our tickets, popcorn, and soda, and expected to see an entertaining film about Michael Jackson, complete with the timeless moonwalk, a “scha-mon” here and there, and endless soundbites of “he-he”.  Instead I learned a lot more.

Michael Jackson was a hustler.  And a damn good one too.

mjGlitter-GloveHe had you all fooled into thinking he was all about zipper pants, glittery gloves and wearing white socks with everything.   People talk about MJ because of child molestation accusations, Bubbles, carrying around a grown man like a 3-year-old (what ever happened to Emanuel Lewis?), or his battles with Vitiligo (hey, give him a break).  But Michael Jackson was about his business; his business just happened to be music.  In watching the film, I learned that Michael Jackson knew what a lot of us so-called business types still have failed to learn:

Love over Money

Through out the film, Michael kept talking about the love of what he was doing and the passion that follows it.  That’s key, and a lot of us miss it.  We’re so quick chasing a dollar that when we get it, it’s hard to hold onto because of how we got there.  Listen to most successful people.  Not your “guys” like Floyd Mayweather and those Cash Money Morons who throw money in the air every chance they get.  Not guys that will probably be broke in 10 years.  I’m talking about your Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, Russell Simmonds.  They rarely talk about money first.  It’s almost as if the money is a product of something when you love what you do.  More attention is on staying true to the craft and what you do.

Focus on Service/Quality Of The Product

It’s been said there are three components of business: Price, Product, and Service/Quality.  If you have to focus on of them, I’d focus on Service/Quality.  It’s the only aspect of any business that is unique to the provider and can’t really be duplicated.

Too often, we focus on the Price and the Product itself; that’ really a mistake.  Focusing on price will cause you to lose business as soon as your competitor’s price is lower than yours.  Walmart has been doing that for decades.

Products become outdated, so focusing on the product itself is also a losing proposition.  I’m guessing that you haven’t used your VCR in years, and you might not even know what an eight-track player is.  Someone will always come around and build a better “mouse trap.”

Michael Jackson focused on the quality of his music.  There is a lot of music today that sounds better because of sound engineers, digital recording, and the autotune, but is the quality there? Will it be around 20 years from now? The hooks today are better, but I can almost guarantee you Chris Brown and Lil’ Wayne will be forgotten about in 20 years.  Michael’s music has lasted generations, from the Jackson 5 to his last album “Invincible”, and was indelible to everyone that heard it.  People say that hismichael-jackson-thriller-cover last album flopped; yeah, it flopped to about 13 million sales worldwide.  Most artists would dream to “flop” an album like that.  His best-selling album was Thriller, which did well over 100 million in sales world-wide.

But the biggest reason I know Michael Jackson put out a quality product was because of my son.  My son was singing along with a lot of his songs word for word.  It wasn’t just my kid, either.  There were dozens of parents in there with children from about age 5 up that were singing along.  You don’t last that long in any game unless you pour quality into your product.

Attention To Detail

One particular scene I remember was when  Michael and his producer were going over the music for “The Way You Make Me Feel.”  They were going over the intro and Michael kept harping on how he needed to make the intro “simmer” before going into the main part of the song.  The sticking point was one note.  ONE note.  One.  Not a whole bar, just one note that was dropping too early.  They must have gone over that 5 – 6 times before it got Michael’s approval, and he wasn’t moving off of what he wanted.

If Michael didn’t hear or see what he wanted, he stopped rehearsal and they did it again until they got it right.  Everything else seemed to flow, but if there was one aspect that didn’t quite work, the whole piece didn’t work.

Michael Jackson knew that people will demand success and remember your failures.  If you’re going to do something, do it right until it’s where you want it to be.

Be Hands On

Every great hustler/entrepreneur makes sure they are a part of the process in each aspect.  I remember years ago when Toni Braxton was on Oprah and she was saying how it was hard to manage millions of dollars so she had accountants and managers handling most of the money.  Oprah quickly pointed out that she still signed every check for Harpo Productions to makes sure she knew where the money was going.

I believe Oprah is currently sitting on about $1.5 billion right now.  Toni Braxton…not so much.

This doesn’t mean be micro-managing. Hire the right people and trust them to make good decision, but only a fool would leave their entire operation in someone else’s hands.  You need to know what’s going on.  Michael Jackson was hands on, even on what seemed to be menial tasks.  He  was even present at the dancer auditions, pointing out flaws and picking out the ones he wanted.  This could have been left to the dance choreographers, but if the dancers were going to be an “extension of Michael” as it was put, he wanted to make sure he was a part of the process.

“This Is It” taught me a lot about Michael Jackson’s drive to be successful, but it also gave me tools I could take away and apply in my own life and push to be successful.

It almost made me want to give him a pass for wearing skinny jeans and those damn Captain Crunch looking jackets throughout the entire film.

…almost.

Rest in Peace, MJ.

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