Is Dating A Socially Acceptable Form Of Prostitution?

We’re going to go back to the mountains for this one…

My friend and I were at the lounge again having a drink (that’s all there really was to do at the resort) and engaging in another long discussion about life, politics, and other bullsh*t half-drunk people talk about.  This conversation happened to be about dating.

She asked me “why do guys feel like you should get sex for taking a woman to dinner?  What happened to being a gentleman?  You act like you’re paying for p*ssy.”

Half-jokingly I replied, “That’s because we are.”

I gave a chuckle and thought back to an episode of “The Boondocks” that I saw (funny sh*t).  Granddad was taking a prostitute out to dinner and Riley and Huey were debating if the girl was a ho because Granddad was paying.

• Huey: “You’re not paying her.  You’re paying the restaurant.”
• Riley: “But I’m payin’, and if I’m payin’, she’s a ho.”

That begs the question: Are the traditional dating rules just a socially acceptable form of prostitution?

I’m not saying that any woman that lets a guy take her out on the town is a prostitute.  What I’m saying is you compared dating and the adult film industry, dating would be like soft porn and the XXX stuff prostitution.  Not a direct match, but both show some skin and the general movements are the same.

Guys will take a young lady out to enjoy her company, get to know her, and share a good time…in hopes of having sex in the (hopefully, not too distant) future; let’s just be real – we grown folks in here.  The two will talk over dinner and directly or indirectly “negotiate” what will happen.  Terms can be discussed (standard, oral,…anal) and depending on how good the conversation and dinner are, the guy might receive the services he’s “paid” for.

Short version:  fellas, you’re paying for it…whether it’s dinner and a movie or a quick romp in the back seat of your car from a “professional  woman.”

It shouldn’t be seen like that, but that’s how it is.  I won’t mislead you with Steve Harvey or Oprah-like tip toeing around the issue.  Ladies, please don’t get offended.  Fellas, don’t act like you’ve never had this conversation with your boys in barbershops and sports bars in just about every city in America.  I’ve been involved in a lot of conversations with fellas about this very subject.  Often times it ends with a guy saying that he’d be perfectly fine just giving the girl the money and having sex rather than pay for dinner and a movie and play “cat and mouse” in HOPES of having sex later.

When did this dating shift happen?  Is it because of the perceived value women place on money?  The perceived value men place on sex?

Should we add another rule to The Rules of Dating that unless a woman is willing to have sex, the two should split the bill?  Ladies, do you do that already, just to make sure there’s no misunderstanding if you’re definitely not interested in sex?  Just something to think about.

Back to the lounge.  We were ready to leave so I asked for the check.  As I reached for my wallet, she snatched the check from my hand, pulled out some cash and gave it to our server.

She winked at me and said, “I’m payin’…so you know what you gotta do when we get back to the room.”

Treated me like a $2 ho.  That’s just wrong

Feel free to comment.

“This Is It” – Lessons From “The Gloved One”

Recently, I took my son to see “This Is It”, the film compilation of rehearsal, behind-the-scenes footage for Michael Jackson’s “This Is It” concert series that was to be held for 100 shows in London.  We got our tickets, popcorn, and soda, and expected to see an entertaining film about Michael Jackson, complete with the timeless moonwalk, a “scha-mon” here and there, and endless soundbites of “he-he”.  Instead I learned a lot more.

Michael Jackson was a hustler.  And a damn good one too.

He had you all fooled into thinking he was all about zipper pants, glittery gloves and wearing white socks with everything.   People talk about MJ because of child molestation accusations, Bubbles, carrying around a grown man like a 3-year-old (what ever happened to Emanuel Lewis?), or his battles with Vitiligo (hey, give him a break).  But Michael Jackson was about his business; his business just happened to be music.  In watching the film, I learned that Michael Jackson knew what a lot of us so-called business types still have failed to learn:

Love over Money

Through out the film, Michael kept talking about the love of what he was doing and the passion that follows it.  That’s key, and a lot of us miss it.  We’re so quick chasing a dollar that when we get it, it’s hard to hold onto because of how we got there.  Listen to most successful people.  Not your “guys” like Floyd Mayweather and those Cash Money Morons who throw money in the air every chance they get.  Not guys that will probably be broke in 10 years.  I’m talking about your Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, Russell Simmonds.  They rarely talk about money first.  It’s almost as if the money is a product of something when you love what you do.  More attention is on staying true to the craft and what you do.

Focus on Service/Quality Of The Product

It’s been said there are three components of business: Price, Product, and Service/Quality.  If you have to focus on of them, I’d focus on Service/Quality.  It’s the only aspect of any business that is unique to the provider and can’t really be duplicated.

Too often, we focus on the Price and the Product itself; that’ really a mistake.  Focusing on price will cause you to lose business as soon as your competitor’s price is lower than yours.  Walmart has been doing that for decades.

Products become outdated, so focusing on the product itself is also a losing proposition.  I’m guessing that you haven’t used your VCR in years, and you might not even know what an eight-track player is.  Someone will always come around and build a better “mouse trap.”

Michael Jackson focused on the quality of his music.  There is a lot of music today that sounds better because of sound engineers, digital recording, and the autotune, but is the quality there? Will it be around 20 years from now? The hooks today are better, but I can almost guarantee you Chris Brown and Lil’ Wayne will be forgotten about in 20 years.  Michael’s music has lasted generations, from the Jackson 5 to his last album “Invincible”, and was indelible to everyone that heard it.  People say that his last album flopped; yeah, it flopped to about 13 million sales worldwide.  Most artists would dream to “flop” an album like that.  His best-selling album was Thriller, which did well over 100 million in sales world-wide.

But the biggest reason I know Michael Jackson put out a quality product was because of my son.  My son was singing along with a lot of his songs word for word.  It wasn’t just my kid, either.  There were dozens of parents in there with children from about age 5 up that were singing along.  You don’t last that long in any game unless you pour quality into your product.

Attention To Detail

One particular scene I remember was when  Michael and his producer were going over the music for “The Way You Make Me Feel.”  They were going over the intro and Michael kept harping on how he needed to make the intro “simmer” before going into the main part of the song.  The sticking point was one note.  ONE note.  One.  Not a whole bar, just one note that was dropping too early.  They must have gone over that 5 – 6 times before it got Michael’s approval, and he wasn’t moving off of what he wanted.

If Michael didn’t hear or see what he wanted, he stopped rehearsal and they did it again until they got it right.  Everything else seemed to flow, but if there was one aspect that didn’t quite work, the whole piece didn’t work.

Michael Jackson knew that people will demand success and remember your failures.  If you’re going to do something, do it right until it’s where you want it to be.

Be Hands On

Every great hustler/entrepreneur makes sure they are a part of the process in each aspect.  I remember years ago when Toni Braxton was on Oprah and she was saying how it was hard to manage millions of dollars so she had accountants and managers handling most of the money.  Oprah quickly pointed out that she still signed every check for Harpo Productions to makes sure she knew where the money was going.

I believe Oprah is currently sitting on about $1.5 billion right now.  Toni Braxton…not so much.

This doesn’t mean be micro-managing. Hire the right people and trust them to make good decision, but only a fool would leave their entire operation in someone else’s hands.  You need to know what’s going on.  Michael Jackson was hands on, even on what seemed to be menial tasks.  He  was even present at the dancer auditions, pointing out flaws and picking out the ones he wanted.  This could have been left to the dance choreographers, but if the dancers were going to be an “extension of Michael” as it was put, he wanted to make sure he was a part of the process.

“This Is It” taught me a lot about Michael Jackson’s drive to be successful, but it also gave me tools I could take away and apply in my own life and push to be successful.

It almost made me want to give him a pass for wearing skinny jeans and those damn Captain Crunch looking jackets throughout the entire film.

…almost.

Rest in Peace, MJ.

How Do You Make Half A Bed?

Even though this site is primarily for the fellas, there are times when I’ll post something for the ladies.  Ladies, pay attention.

I had dinner with an old friend that I hadn’t seen in a while. That’s always a fun time.  We went out and caught up over crab cakes and a few drinks.

We started reminiscing over some of the good times and conversations we’ve had and we started talking about and old argument he and his wife had.  They’d gotten into an argument over something was wasn’t resolved over a simple conversation or pillow talk.  In the morning, when after they got up and ready for work (they still weren’t talking), he jumped in the shower and came back into the bedroom to find that his wife made her side of the bed and gone downstairs.

Her side.  She made half the bed.  How in the f*ck do you make half a bed?

We laughed hysterically at that.  I love his wife; she is a genuine good person one of the sweetest people you’ll ever come across, but making half a bed??  It probably took more energy for her to make half the bed than it would have to make the entire bed.  She couldn’t express her frustration any other way but wanted to make sure he knew she was angry.

Ladies, there are times when you feel like you need a translator to ask us to take out the garbage.  Perhaps we aren’t clear in what we say so I’m posting this to help you understand us.  Here are a few phrases that will help you talk to your man:

• “I’m a little busy.  Can we talk about this later?” – That means we’re busy and we’d like to talk about this later.  Not that we don’t care, not that we don’t want to hear it.  Just that we are in the middle of something and would like to talk later.

• “No, I’m not upset.” – This one can be confusing.  It means we aren’t mad.  It means that what you just told us doesn’t bother us.  We’re not upset.

• “That looks really nice on you.” – A lot of women don’t understand this one. It means that we really like the way that looks on you.  It doesn’t mean “Damn, that sh*t can really stretch! Whoever invented that is a rich man.”  It means that whatever you’re wearing at the moment looks really good on you.

• “I don’t feel like hearin’ that sh*t right now!” – In other words, shut the f*ck up and leave me alone.  It’s not a subliminal message to keep talking, follow me around the house nagging me to death.

I just realized something…all those things seem like…common sense! Oh sh*t, we mean what we say.  No hidden messages, no decoders needed.  Not rushing to the TV to turn on Oprah to see what advice she can give you on how to talk to your man.  Just rational, up-front communication.

(By the way, it always amazes me how women run to Oprah like she is the patron saint of relationships when she and Stedman can’t keep it right. Ladies, keep listening to Oprah and you’ll stay as single as she is.  I’m only guessing, but you’re not paid like she is, so having a stank attitude and being broke won’t get you a man anytime soon.)

Maybe if you ladies stopped doing dumb sh*t like making half a bad, expecting us to read your minds, or pouting and stewing like a five-year-old, we could communicate instead of acting like a high school couple.

I told my buddy that the next time she makes you mad, only mow half the lawn.  See how she likes that sh*t.

Feel free to comment.