BlockStandard.com

Afternoon, Man Among Boys readers.  Instead of giving you a blog today, I want to tell you about a new collaboration called Block Standard (www.blockstandard.com).

Block Standard is a collective of like-minded and like mission men who decided to pool their individual insights into one blog for the immediate dissemination of information that enables you to improve your money-making capabilities. You’re going to get a lot of different views from different people from a lot of different angles, each building on the other.

The goal is to empower you with knowledge.  What you do with it is completely up to you.

Block Standard…“Redefine Your Corner”

Falling For The Okie Doke

When we’re going through a bad situation or seeking help, we often look for someone to analyze our problems.  This leaves vulnerable, and we’ll listen to just about anyone that lends an ear and seems to know what they’re talking about.

That’s very dangerous.  When you’re at your lowest is when you need to hear what people are saying the most.  There are millions of snake oil salesmen out there that lack substance, but because it sounds like relieving words at a time of need, we take it as gospel.

That’s when people fall for the “okie doke.”

For those of you who don’t know what that “okie doke” is, that’s when someone gets played for a fool.  Think of all those internet scams out there that promise $1000 a day for 15 minutes work…and all you have to do is make 3 payments of $39.95 for it.  That sounds like a godsend…but if it were that easy, there wouldn’t be a broke ass on the planet.   A lot of people fall for the “okie doke” on a regular basis.

The reason I bring this up is I was listening to an urban radio station today and heard a classic example of the “okie doke”.  A psychic was on and invited people to call in and discuss their problems.  A  young woman named Trina called in to ask the psychic if she should stay with her child’s father.  She said he comes around to spend time with her and the baby, but that they don’t see eye to eye.

A slick talker would be able to take a lot out of the italicized passage and use leading questions to guide someone in the direction they want the conversation to go in, luring them into the “okie doke”.  The psychic skillfully asked  series of questions that didn’t really say much, but had Trina thinking she was the second coming….

You probably feel overwhelmed with work and taking care of the baby, right?

Uh, no sh*t.  Basically, Trina’s a single mom, and there may be no tougher job in the world than that. Unless she’s on welfare, she’s working.  I know I talk a lot of sh*t about the ladies, but I acknowledge and appreciate the hard work a single mom puts in holding down a 40 hour a week job, and then coming home to cook dinner and help the kids with homework.  She must be tough in a tough situation.

The psychic made Trina feel appreciated, like someone out there understands what she’s going through.  Whether the psychic was single and had children or not is irrelevant; she made Trina feel like she could relate and played the sympathetic friend.

The first part of the “okie doke” is to make someone feel like they are safe and can trust you; a boa constrictor always hugs its prey before squeezing it to death.

(On a Side Note:  Some of you ladies brought this upon yourselves. A lot of times, you nagged a good man to death and drove him away.  The next time you want to blame someone, look in the mirror instead of calling your girlfriends and complaining that there are no good men out there.  He wanted to help with kids with homework and make family time, but you were steady b*tchin’ about the toilet seat being up.  The toilet seat is down now, but there’s no man in sight.  Dummy.)

There were probably money issues, right?

That’s not exactly a leap of faith since money is one of, if not the, top reason couples separate, whether it be one uses it to control the other, or just that the bills and necessities aren’t being taken care of.  And we the current economic state of the country, chances are money issues would apply to Trina too.

Even though he come by to see the baby and make family time, you’re still not happy, right?

All the psychic did here is repeat what Trina first told her but in the form of a question.  She didn’t really add anything, but the way she phrased the question makes it seem like she did, kind of like the “Great Repeater” at the office, who just repeats everything everyone else says with a few gestures and some big words thrown in.

xxxxxxxxx…RIGHT?

Notice how the psychic ended each question with the word right.  She’s TELLING Trina these are the reasons for her issues, even if they aren’t.  Right isn’t used to confirm, but to control.  For someone already having troubles, hearing that this is right is like finding the cause to your problems…even though they are something all together different.

After Trina hung up, I’m sure she felt like she had the source of all her problems…but she really didn’t get much help.

That’s the “okie doke” for you.  Feel free to comment.

Don’t Be Scared To Take An A** Whuppin…

Nobody likes to lose.  Thanks just how we were brought up.  To win.  To do our best…and if we do our best, we can call ourselves the victor and hoist the trophy high above our heads.

That isn’t always a good thing.

I remember reading an article in the December 14 edition of ESPN The Magazine by Jay Bilas (not usually a fan of his, but it make for good reading while in the sauna).  He was talking about the value of playing in early tournaments in college basketball, and made some very good points.  In those early tournaments, teams usually play out very good, out-of-conference teams instead of their usual in-conference cupcakes. A lot of times they’re in a tough matchup or even lose, but there can be some value in that.

In the article, Bilas quotes Michigan State coach Tom Izzo as saying “You’re fooling yourself if you think you can be ready without playing the best teams early.  But you can’t be fooled when you’re getting your butt kicked in a fistfight. You need that fistfight to get better, to evaluate your team and yourself.”

That got me to thinking about how we can apply that in life. A man shouldn’t be afraid to test himself against a tough challenge, whether that be interviewing for a new position or trying to step out on your own.  Whether you fail or succeed, you’ll learn a lot about yourself that you can build on.

Taking a loss will let you know what you have to work on.  It could expose the slightest detail that you’re lacking.  You might be good at initiating contact, but suck at “closing the deal.” You might be able to develop new ideas, but your ability to present them to the powers-that-be might be lacking.  Develop these and that will make you stronger.

However, if you take a greater challenge and succeed, that’s a great confidence boost and confirms that you’re ready to move on to bigger and better things.  Dunking on your 5 year old little brother says that you have a twisted view of family time.  Dunking on Lebron James says that you might be ready to don an NBA uniform yourself.

But the key to all of this is that…you can’t be scared to take an ass whuppin.  You can’t be scared to take a greater challenge because you might fail.  You can’t think about the fact that you might fail.  It you take the greater challenge, you just might surprise yourself.

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. – Michael Jordan, arguably the greatest player of all time

I think that says it all.  Feel free to comment.

From B.D.P To N.I.K.E??

Before we get into the meat of the post, I’m going to tell you that in order to understand it, you have to know something about hip-hop.  I don’t mean that garbage Lil’ Wayne puts out, society’s modern-day obsession with the auto tune (every artist that uses it should pay homage to Roger Troutman), or that commercialized stuff that has the BK King grabbin’ the mic.

I mean real, old school, hip-hop.  Beat Street.  Krush Groove.  Treacherous 3.  Cardboard boxes on the sidewalk.  Furry Kangols.  If you don’t know about this stuff, you can try to keep up, but you might not get it.

I was watching television today and I came across this Nike commercial.  It’s a good commercial, but as soon as I heard “the voice”, I was shocked:

Don’t get me wrong.  I like the commercial.  It’s catchy and will help sell sneakers.  But in case you don’t know, the black Santa is the “blastmaster” KRS-One.

The legendary KRS-One. The leader of the mighty BoogieDown Productions.  The same KRS-One that destroyed the careers of MC Shan and the Juice Crew. The same KRS-One that is arguably the greatest lyricist of all time (I’m more partial to Rakim, but I can understand the argument.)

KRS-One was always the conscious mirror of hip-hop.  He wasn’t in it for the money, but for the art.  He always prided himself on doing it for the love.  He bashed those artists who he thought crossed over to the commercialized side.  In fact, he once threw another group off stage during their own performance for not doing what he coined “real hip hop”.

One of the things I admired about him as a man was that he stood steadfast in his beliefs, whether or not they were popular or even the most lucrative.

And now he’s doing sound overs for puppets???

The only reasons I didn’t put this in the “Just Not Manly” category are:

1. It’s KRS-One.  He’s a legend.
2. I’ll never knock someone for trying to earn an honest buck.  That’s insane.

But I have to question this.  To paraphrase a Lauren Hill lyric, did he gain the whole world for the price of his soul?  Did he sell out the art that he helped create?

Or maybe I just hate seeing good old school hip hop wasted on dancing, shucking and jiving puppets.

To all my old school hip hop heads out there…did KRS-One sell out hip hop?  As a man, did he go against his core principles and turn his back on the house he helped build?  This is something lighter for the holiday season, but it’s getting to me…

Feel free to comment.

Show Some Pride

This post will be short because:

1. a picture says 1000 words
2. I shouldn’t have to tell grown men to give their all in what they do.

Part of being a man is to be proud in one’s work and to give your best effort at all times.  Therefore, I must give the Chicago Bulls effort against the Toronto Raptors on December 5th a vote of “Just Not Manly”.  Their play was not TrueMan approved.

It isn’t because they lost by 32 points.  That happens sometimes; you win some, you lose some.  Sometimes you lose big because the other team was that much better than you on that given night.

However, effort is something entirely different.  I don’t care how badly you beat me or how bad the situation is, you’re going to know you’ve been in a fight.  That’s why when I saw this from Saturday nights effort against the Toronto Raptors I was shocked.

Yes, the game was well in hand, and the Bulls were going to lose, but to allow someone to bend over and tie their shoes during the game is unacceptable. At least run up and guard him and try to steal the ball.  Try to salvage something from this night that you can hold your head up high about.

This is something that not only applies in sports but in life.  It applies in your work, your relationships, your hustle, your dreams.  Like Kanye West says in his song Champion, “To me givin’ up’s way harder than tryin’.”

(Note: That is probably the first and last positive reference you’ll see me give to Kanye West.  Mark the date).

If you’re lax in some things, you’re probably lax in all.  At least try and act like you care.  At least try and act like you want to win, no matter what the final score says.

Chicago Bulls…it’s time to man up.

“This Is It” – Lessons From “The Gloved One”

Recently, I took my son to see “This Is It”, the film compilation of rehearsal, behind-the-scenes footage for Michael Jackson’s “This Is It” concert series that was to be held for 100 shows in London.  We got our tickets, popcorn, and soda, and expected to see an entertaining film about Michael Jackson, complete with the timeless moonwalk, a “scha-mon” here and there, and endless soundbites of “he-he”.  Instead I learned a lot more.

Michael Jackson was a hustler.  And a damn good one too.

He had you all fooled into thinking he was all about zipper pants, glittery gloves and wearing white socks with everything.   People talk about MJ because of child molestation accusations, Bubbles, carrying around a grown man like a 3-year-old (what ever happened to Emanuel Lewis?), or his battles with Vitiligo (hey, give him a break).  But Michael Jackson was about his business; his business just happened to be music.  In watching the film, I learned that Michael Jackson knew what a lot of us so-called business types still have failed to learn:

Love over Money

Through out the film, Michael kept talking about the love of what he was doing and the passion that follows it.  That’s key, and a lot of us miss it.  We’re so quick chasing a dollar that when we get it, it’s hard to hold onto because of how we got there.  Listen to most successful people.  Not your “guys” like Floyd Mayweather and those Cash Money Morons who throw money in the air every chance they get.  Not guys that will probably be broke in 10 years.  I’m talking about your Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, Russell Simmonds.  They rarely talk about money first.  It’s almost as if the money is a product of something when you love what you do.  More attention is on staying true to the craft and what you do.

Focus on Service/Quality Of The Product

It’s been said there are three components of business: Price, Product, and Service/Quality.  If you have to focus on of them, I’d focus on Service/Quality.  It’s the only aspect of any business that is unique to the provider and can’t really be duplicated.

Too often, we focus on the Price and the Product itself; that’ really a mistake.  Focusing on price will cause you to lose business as soon as your competitor’s price is lower than yours.  Walmart has been doing that for decades.

Products become outdated, so focusing on the product itself is also a losing proposition.  I’m guessing that you haven’t used your VCR in years, and you might not even know what an eight-track player is.  Someone will always come around and build a better “mouse trap.”

Michael Jackson focused on the quality of his music.  There is a lot of music today that sounds better because of sound engineers, digital recording, and the autotune, but is the quality there? Will it be around 20 years from now? The hooks today are better, but I can almost guarantee you Chris Brown and Lil’ Wayne will be forgotten about in 20 years.  Michael’s music has lasted generations, from the Jackson 5 to his last album “Invincible”, and was indelible to everyone that heard it.  People say that his last album flopped; yeah, it flopped to about 13 million sales worldwide.  Most artists would dream to “flop” an album like that.  His best-selling album was Thriller, which did well over 100 million in sales world-wide.

But the biggest reason I know Michael Jackson put out a quality product was because of my son.  My son was singing along with a lot of his songs word for word.  It wasn’t just my kid, either.  There were dozens of parents in there with children from about age 5 up that were singing along.  You don’t last that long in any game unless you pour quality into your product.

Attention To Detail

One particular scene I remember was when  Michael and his producer were going over the music for “The Way You Make Me Feel.”  They were going over the intro and Michael kept harping on how he needed to make the intro “simmer” before going into the main part of the song.  The sticking point was one note.  ONE note.  One.  Not a whole bar, just one note that was dropping too early.  They must have gone over that 5 – 6 times before it got Michael’s approval, and he wasn’t moving off of what he wanted.

If Michael didn’t hear or see what he wanted, he stopped rehearsal and they did it again until they got it right.  Everything else seemed to flow, but if there was one aspect that didn’t quite work, the whole piece didn’t work.

Michael Jackson knew that people will demand success and remember your failures.  If you’re going to do something, do it right until it’s where you want it to be.

Be Hands On

Every great hustler/entrepreneur makes sure they are a part of the process in each aspect.  I remember years ago when Toni Braxton was on Oprah and she was saying how it was hard to manage millions of dollars so she had accountants and managers handling most of the money.  Oprah quickly pointed out that she still signed every check for Harpo Productions to makes sure she knew where the money was going.

I believe Oprah is currently sitting on about $1.5 billion right now.  Toni Braxton…not so much.

This doesn’t mean be micro-managing. Hire the right people and trust them to make good decision, but only a fool would leave their entire operation in someone else’s hands.  You need to know what’s going on.  Michael Jackson was hands on, even on what seemed to be menial tasks.  He  was even present at the dancer auditions, pointing out flaws and picking out the ones he wanted.  This could have been left to the dance choreographers, but if the dancers were going to be an “extension of Michael” as it was put, he wanted to make sure he was a part of the process.

“This Is It” taught me a lot about Michael Jackson’s drive to be successful, but it also gave me tools I could take away and apply in my own life and push to be successful.

It almost made me want to give him a pass for wearing skinny jeans and those damn Captain Crunch looking jackets throughout the entire film.

…almost.

Rest in Peace, MJ.

Don’t You Blaspheme In Here!

As the saying goes, “all it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”  Well, I’m speaking out on something today.  Let’s see what you do on this one.  This is partially a rehash of an old piece I did, but it still applies.  Hope you enjoy.

I first want to say that this will address a very sensitive topic to many: religion.  I do not mean to make light of, fun of, or change your beliefs.  I feel that all religions are to be respected, no matter what deity you pray to.

But I do want to make you think a little.  If your sorry ass keeps letting you get taken advantage of, you need to start opening your eyes.

One day I was watching a religious broadcast, not for the religious aspect, but because I found it entertaining.  You’ll understand why in a minute.  I don’t want to put the name of the preacher out there, but I don’t think A Dollar of mine will ever be Flowing out of my pocket to him (if you can’t figure it out who it is, think about it).

He was talking about communion and how he was at a church and they didn’t have bread and wine.  This guy said that he took potato chips and Sprite, blessed them both, and they became the bread and the wine for the communion (I’m not making this up; I couldn’t if I tried).  I burst into laughter, thinking, “He can’t be serious!”

Then, I looked back at the television, and the audience gave him a standing ovation.  Women were crying and testifying.  Men gripped their bibles tightly as feelings of euphoria took over.  All in attendance looked towards the heavens as if to thank God for sending this man down to them.

That made me ask a question:  Is organized religion is the new “hustle”, and I don’t mean hustle like we talked about before like effort, ingenuity, and creativity.  I mean like a con.

Organized religion has grown to astronomical proportions.  Mega churches with thousands or parishioners are popping up all over with television deals and advertising sponsorships.  If you can’t make it to service, don’t worry.  You can even get your favorite televangelist’s latest DVD delivered to your door for a little as $19.95…shipping and handling not included.

Here is why I think the con works:  People are afraid to question anything claimed to be sent from God.

Think about it.  Let’s say I was throwing a dinner party, ran out of cheese, crackers and wine, gave you chips and soda instead, and tried to pass it off as the exact same thing.  You’d think I was crazy.   But throw the Word it and people are falling out from catching the Holy Ghost.

I’m not saying this applies to all churches, but I see too many people scraping together what little money they had left to feed themselves (and even their kids) for the week and putting it on the collection plate, thinking that God will put food in their mouths. It’s sad really.  Belief in God is one thing; allowing someone to stick you up with a smile and a Bible in their hand is another.

If some of these things are going on in your house of worship, you may want to think strongly about changing where you pray:

• If there is an ATM in the lobby
• If the church checks your W-2’s to make sure you’ve paid your 10%
• If they pass the collection plate around more than once during service
• If you put money into the collection place and the usher stands there shaking it like he wants more
• If your church and/or preacher is being investigated  by the IRS

Some of you are laughing or saying to yourselves that these things are made up.  Actually, these are things that take place in churches that some people I know go to.

People will question their leaders all the time.  We question scholastic leaders (teachers), we question our bosses at work.  We even question the leader of our country who resides on Pennsylvania avenue.   We won’t question our religious leaders though, even though we are instructed to.  The Bible Book of Matthew 7 warns to “beware of the false prophet.”  How do you know he’s a false prophet unless you question what he does?

If you feel something isn’t right, ask.  Don’t be afraid to speak up.  I don’t remember reading about Jesus ever turning someone away when they wanted to know more.  I also don’t remember Jesus ever being adorned in the most expensive clothes or drinking from cups made of gold.  I guess times have changed; some preachers need luxury cars and private planes.

And you wonder why you’ve had a building fund for years, but the roof still leaks?

What are your thoughts?  Feel free to comment.

Side Piece Rules of Engagement

I was reading Single Black Male today (singleblackmale.net; a good read) and it made me think of an argument I saw not too long ago.  There were two young women and one man that looked like he’d much rather be somewhere else.  From what I could gather, one woman was the girlfriend, the other the side piece, and they were fighting over who got the right to call him their man.

I couldn’t help but think that he broke one or more of the side piece rules somewhere.   Did he make her feel too special?  Did he pour out his heart to her? I don’t know.  But he did something wrong.

But that made me think more.  If you apply the Six Sigma philosophy of the “5 Whys” (ask why 5 times and you usually get to the root cause), you get to the foundation of the matter.  If so many guys are following the side piece rules, why do so many guys get caught?

I know I addressed how to manage a side piece in one of my earlier posts (“Something On The Side”), but maybe I gave you guys too much credit.  I assumed you knew how to get a side piece the right way in the first place.

(Note: again, I do not advocate having a side piece.  If you have a monogamous relationship, stay true to it.  But if you’re going to cheat, dammit, do it right.)

If you don’t get a side piece the right way, you are setting yourself up for failure.  Just like the House of Quality (for some reason, I’m on my Six Sigma today) if you don’t have a solid foundation, the house will collapse.

So I’m going to give you 3 rules that help form the “Side Piece Rules of Engagement.”  They will guide you into getting a side piece the right way.  After that, proper management of the side piece should be a snap. As the late Biggie Smalls said,

I been in this game for year, it made me a animal

It’s rules to this sh*t, I wrote me a manual

A step-by-step booklet for you to get

Your game on track, not your wig pushed back

1 . The Rule of Opposites

Fellas, if you are going to have a side piece, you have to be willing to explore the spectrum of women out there.  Yes, you may have to go outside of your normal comfort zone or race to find a safe side piece.  You are not looking for a soul mate (that’s some bullsh*t anyway) or someone to call your lady; you already have your main girl for that.

Your side piece must be the opposite of your main girl.  If your lady is a diva that needs to get her hair and nails done every week, get a cute ass tomboy that likes sports. If your lady is an ebony soul sista, you should be looking for Pamela Anderson.

(Another note: Pamela Anderson is a fine white woman.  I’d tag that and write an article about it in Essence for all of you to read).

The reason is they are less likely to have the same interests or the same circle of friends.  Just like in math, you want to decrease the probability that Circle A will intersect with Circle B.  You might have to listen to some groups like Nickleback (actually, they’re not that bad) and go to the movies to see some stupid sh*t like Saw VI, but you probably won’t run into your girlfriend while you’re out either.

2.  “Something To Lose” Rule

Whenever possible, get a side piece that has something to lose to.  That means she is in a long-term relationship of her own or is married.  She will be less likely to catch feelings or grab your cell phone and call wifey.  Plus, she already has a man, so she is looking for something on the side herself that doesn’t have commitments.  That’s a win-win.

3.  30 Minute Rule

This rule is very important, probably the most important of any of the side piece rules. If you meet a side piece, no matter how fine she is, no matter how big her ass is, she must live at least 30 minutes away from home base. Minimum.  No one said having a side piece was going to be convenient, but again, the goal is not to get caught.  You don’t want to be out with wifey and bump into the side piece at the supermarket.

In my post “The Mission”, Greenbacker commented that he flew about 2 hours to meet an old side piece.  That’s planning for your ass right there!

You will have to take the side piece out for drinks, to a movie, etc., so you need to be smart about it.  Unless you live in rural America, there is plenty to do by your house, so you and your main lady probably stay local unless you’re planning something special.  In most cases, you probably don’t go more than 30 minutes from home base, especially if you live in or near a big city.  So local isn’t an option for having a side piece.

Another advantage is that the side piece isn’t likely drive 30 minutes from her house to make a surprise trip.  She’s likely to call first to make sure you’ll be there, so you can have your alibi ready.

Again, I don’t condone cheating, but if you have ever had an experience like ol’ boy in the argument, you’re f*ckin’ it up for everybody.  Keep these rules in your wallet and refer to them often if you’re going to have a side piece.

Feel free to comment.

“All Around The World, Same Song”

I’m writing this to you from Canada, so I guess I should start with “Aye”.  Business trip.  The traveling isn’t anything new, but I haven’t been to Canada in a while, it was nice to go back.  I’m in Mississauga, about 20 minutes or so  outside of Toronto.

It’s nice “north of the border”  and they say it’s different from life in the States.

I caught a cab from the airport to my hotel from my Indian cabbie.  I understood about every third or fourth word but he was nice.  We talked about my trip, how long I’d be staying, and recommendations for a few good restaurants to try.  I reach my hotel to find a crew of Asian deskclerks, which because the hotel was new, were only too happy to help me, almost harassing.

As I check in, the Hispanic looking woman from housekeeping confirms to the deskclerk that my room is cleaned and ready.  Thanks.  I hate a dirty room.

My co-workers took a later flight, so I had some time to myself.  I decided to take a walk to the convenience store a few blocks away to get a few items.

The Korean store owners smiled nicely as I walked around the store for my spray starch, bottled water, and bubble gum.  I decided to bypass the skin magazines and the bootlegged DVDs and CDs.  Gotta pay with cash, card not accepted.  As I make my way towards the exit, I notice the store owners seem a little more at ease.

I walked by a small stand where an African gentleman was selling sunglasses.  They looked like some cheap knockoffs, but you can’t knock him for trying.  The warm greeting “Nice eh’, my friend” doesn’t phase me.  I keep it moving.

About a block up, I approach a few of the “block boys” dressed in baggy jeans, Timberlands and hoodies.  No words were exchanged between us; just a “whats’ up” head nod as I passed by.  Keep a sharp eye out…just in case.

It’s a little cold and rainy today, so I dipped into Starbucks to grab a small coffee.  Old, white lady, you don’t have to grip your purse as  I walk by.  I just want a coffee.  Can’t believe I’m getting this overpriced bullsh*t, but it’s cold.

Time to head back to the hotel.  I’m passing by a Popeye’s and peer through the large glass widows.  There’s a little bit of every type in there.   I guess everyone loves greasy fried food.

I’m almost at the hotel.  As I pass the office building next to my hotel, I notice it’s empty, except for a few mannequins in the lobby.  I ask the kind young lady behind the desk about it and she tells me the business that used to be there closed down because they couldn’t get any business.  About 200 people out of work.

I guess things aren’t so different over here after all.  All around the world,  same song…

Feel free to comment.

Crabs and Ants

I remember when I was a young boy, maybe 8 or so, my parents bought me a brand new bike.  It was  red racing bike with all the bells and whistles, plastic chain guard, new rubber handle grips, nice shiny kickstand and everything else you can imagine.

My friend “M” also had a bike but it was a raggedy piece of shit.  I remember when I showed “M” my new bike, instead of being happy for me, he began to rag on it, ” Chain guards are stupid”, “Only babies need a kickstand”, and other stuff like that.  Eventually, I caved into his barbs, took off my chain guard and kickstand…and my nice, new bike looked just as raggedy as his.

“M” wasn’t really a friend…he was a crab.  And you probably have some crabs in your circle too.

Crabs never like to see you do better than them.  They’ll down your successes and they always have a story that tops yours.  If you bench 300 lbs, they bench 400 lbs.  If you got courtside seats to the game, they got courtside seats at center court.  Your new girlfriend was promoted supervisor, their’s is CEO.

I call them crabs because crabs will climb over each other to get out of a barrel. Have you ever watched crabs in a barrel? They won’t help each other at all.  It’s every man for himself.  Once they see a crab climbing out, the other crabs will grab him and pull him back.  Misery loves company.

On the other hand, ants see that the whole can be greater than the sum of the parts.  Ants will work together to climb a hill, creating a “human ladder” and them pulling up the ants at the bottom once most of the ants are at the top.   They will gang up on large foes. As the saying goes, “together, the ants will defeat the elephant.”

You need to try to get as many crabs out of your circle as you can and team with as many ants as possible.

Crabs are dangerous. Calling them downers is an understatement.  Crabs can be in your family or at your job.  You might even be married to one.  Crabs at work will point out when you’re coming back five minutes late from lunch or try to poke holes in the presentation you gave that everyone else is giving you a standing ovation for.  Crabs will crush your dreams under the guise of advice or “just trying to help.”  Bullshit.  They don’t have motivation so they don’t want you accomplish anything either.  They are a sad sort and look for any reason to be negative.

Ants on the other hand are positive.  They don’t fear what others see as insurmountable odds, because they know together you can accomplish much.  If you tell them about an idea, they’ll generally be happy for you and give suggestions.  The word “can’t” is rarely in their vocabulary.

You need to weed out crabs quickly.  Their negativity is infectious.  If you’re having a bad day, crabs will seek you out and talk you into thinking it’s worse than it is.

Now if you have too many crabs in your circle, you need to take a good hard look at yourself.  You don’t see crabs hanging out with ants do you?  No.  Crabs hang with crabs and ants with ants.

I like crabs steamed with melted butter…other than that I stay as far away from them as I can.  You should too.

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