New Years 2010: Brand New Year..Same Ole Sh*t

Happy New Year!  Welcome to 2010!  I hope that you all had a memorable New Year’s experience, no matter what you did. I just got back from Atlanta.  For New Year’s Eve, I went to an upscale party at the Ritz Carlton Buckhead across from the Lenox mall.  It was nice.  I did all the typical things, dance, sip champagne, laugh, joke, and people watch.  I don’t know if I’ll do the big party scene again, but the time I spent with friends made it worth the trip.

(For those of you wondering, YES, I did hit the strip club the night before.)

My trip also taught me that you guys still need help.  I saw a lot of unmanly things.  A LOT of unmanly things.  I tried to take pictures but they weren’t clear, but if they were, I’d have them on this post and putting a lot of people to shame.

There were a few “guys” I met or saw at the party that I’d like to introduce you too.  They did a lot of unmanly stuff that I hoped we’d put to rest in 2009, but it’s a brand new year…same ole sh*t…

Mr. Too Cool

I talked about this before but it seems that Mr. Too Cool still wants to wear (fake) designer sunglasses indoors.  No one should wear shades in the club or any dark room unless you got punched in the eye and are covering it up.  And if you’re juvenile enough to still be fighting, you shouldn’t have been at this party.

Farnsworth, I mean..Foolsworth Bentley

Pulling a cheap suit out the closet and adding a large, ridiculous bowtie and a cummerbund does not a tuxedo make.  Trying to jazz it up by wearing bright, sparkly,white shoes with it is just sad.  For some reason, when they sparkled it made me think of The Wizard Of Oz…”I wish I was home.”

I wish you stayed home.

Mr. Tough Guy

Speaking of fighting, the tough-guy-in-front-of-your-woman act is really old, but some guys still do it.  Fellas, you don’t have to fight every time something “happens” to your lady.  I was drinking a bottle of water that my friend knocked over. A little of the water splashed on a lady standing a few feet from me.  She was understandingly shocked at first, but I assured her it was just water and apologized.

Then, after the situation was diffused, her knucklehead husband/boyfriend/jumpoff stepped to me with his chest out asking “Yo, why you gotta spill water on my girl?” I apologized to him, said it was an ACCIDENT, and assured him it was water.  I extended my hand to him and wished him a happy new year.  A lesser man would have handed him his ass…but it’s not worth it.  That’s the kind of stuff that gets guys embarrassed or worse.  If you want to embarrass yourself, it’s a free country, but you’re not going to embarrass me.

Boo Boo Da Fool version 2010

What is it with you knuckleheads and bottles of alcohol?  Do you just naturally try to embarrass yourselves, or do you practice in front of a mirror?

There was a guy holding two bottles of Grey Goose wearing a pimp hat dancing and shaking his bottles like he was doing something.  That was only surpassed by another fool dancing with an empty champagne bottle and actually asked a woman if she wanted a drink.

Mr…Honestly, I Don’t Know What To Say

Lastly, no matter how many Y chromosomes you claim to have, dancing while waving sparklers and spinning ya dumb ass around like a top is the most unmanly thing I’ve seen in a while.  I’d continue on this one, but I have not the words.  Definitely not TrueMan approved.

If after reading this you have to question if you were any of these “men” during the holiday…you probably were.

Cut that sh*t out!  Man up!

Feel free to comment.

Welcome To 2010…Ready or Not

Evening, all.  By the time you read this, I’ll have made my annual trek to Atlanta to celebrate New Years Eve.  I love Atlanta.  I have some good friends there and the party scene is just what I need to end a very trying 2009.  I’m going to go out tonight and pop a few bottles with some friends, and maybe even make some new ones.  You know, cut loose a little bit and act a fool…within reason, of course.

This year was troubling, but I did get a few things accomplished.  I was able to move on and put the past behind me, as you’ve read in some of my posts.  I started this blog to reach out to people and tell what men are all about.  I was able to refocus and get back to doing ME.  I guess those are a few good things.

We all talk about making New Year’s resolutions as if they are going to be the gateway to some magical new lifestyle.  Some people believe in them, some people don’t.  I’m not going to debate with you about whether they work or not.  As Henry Ford said, “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.”

I’ve decided it’s time to make a change.  Not the type of hopeful, Obama change, but the type of real, soul-searching change what will decide my future and what I’ll do moving forward (Note:  Get it in gear, Mr. President.  We need to see more of the change you promised in 2010.)

That brings me to my New Year’s resolution that I’m going to make, my change.  I’m going to live by a quote I was taught by a supervisor I used to work under, Mr. Wingate.  When I was in college, I worked at the state’s central branch of the Post Office loading bulk containers onto trucks.  Whenever you told him you couldn’t be done, you got the same answer from him…

“I can’t accept can’t.”

Somehow, I’d forgotten that I.  I’d changed from the cocky, young SOB who wasn’t afraid to try anything to a guy who was more timid.  F*** that.  I can’t be that guy anymore.  I’m not that guy anymore.  So that’s my resolution for 2010, to live by ”I can’t accept can’t.”

(That and “That’s not puttin’ chips in my pocket, pat-naaaa!”  Shout out to Freeman.  If you haven’t checked out his site, take a look at Rise And Grind ( www.riseandgrind.com).  It’s a good read.)

I’d be interested to hear about your resolutions.  What changes are you making for the New Year?  And why aren’t you starting them now?

So go out tonight, party, dance, sip some champagne or grape juice for my 21 and under friends, and have a great time.  But get home safe.

Have a Happy New Year.  Feel free to comment.

Baby Ballers

New Year’s Eve is coming up, and I’m starting to make my plans for the holiday.  I like to travel with friends and go to a party or two and bring in the new year upbeat.  I try to start each year anew and learn from my successes and failures of the last year.

For the last few years, I’ve gone to Atlanta (Note: I love Atlanta.  The people are friendly and you can’t throw a rock without hitting a gentlemen’s club or two).  I was talking with one of my best friends who lives there about last year’s festivities.

I remember a club we went to and some interesting characters we met.  There were a group of young men we called the “baby ballers.”  About eight of them, and none were taller than 5’8″.  They were a bunch of Kanye West wannabees, and if you know anything about how I feel about Kanye West, that’s not a compliment (see my post “Damn You Kanye West“).

Anyway you couldn’t tell these fools they weren’t the sh*t as they strolled through the crowd with their velvet blazers and scarfs to the crowded back area.

My boy and I started laughing at these fools the minute we laid eyes on them.  These guys were doing everything wrong, but you could tell they were so full of themselves and so full of sh*t that you could have given them “Meeting Women For Dummies” and it wouldn’t have helped.

They proceeded to post up in the pseudo VIP (that’s the table as far in the back as possible next to the actual VIP section), wave their scarfs in the air, look down over their shades, and show their collective asses for the rest of the night.  The problem is that I’ve seen this too often, and it’s time I intervened.  You “baby ballers” are not only embarrassing yourselves and your parents, you are embarrassing me.

So, for all of you “baby ballers” out there, you need a grown man to set you straight.  Let me give you a few tips:

• Don’t wear shades in the club.  You look like an idiot.  It’s already dark and you keep bumping into people because you can’t see.

• Feel free to order champagne and party all night but don’t draw attention to yourselves by holding up your bottle of champagne with the label sticking out for all to see.  You only make it clear that you aren’t used to drinking it.

• …especially if the eight of you have to share one bottle and sip your glass like it’s a bottle of Evian in the Sahara desert.  And when the bottle’s empty, ask your server to take it away.  You look like idiots when you pass an empty champagne bottle around to each other and take pictures with it like you’re really doing something.

• Think of a good way to introduce yourself to a woman.  Something that says you have character and half a brain.  Here’s an idea, how about “Hi, my name is (insert here).  I saw you from across the room and wanted to come meet you.  What’s your name? It’s nice to meet you.”  I’ve actually heard a young man introduce himself with the line  “HEY BABY, WASSUP WIT CHO P*SSY?” To call that ignant (yes, I said “ignant”; that’s a new level of ignorant) is an understatement.

• Don’t throw a wad of money in the air.  It’s immature and makes you look like a clown.  It makes you look even more stupid when its a wad of $1 bills.

• Leave a tip!  A gratuity.  If you can look like you can afford to buy champagne, you can look like you can afford to tip your server.  Saying “That’s the job they chose, why should I tip?” is a sorry excuse.

Come to think of it, I have a better idea.  Stop trying to be a baller.  A real man doesn’t have to show off.  It’s time for your to grow up.  Become a man among boys.

Feel free to comment.