Lessons In A Winter Wonderland

A man can be inspired by a lot of things.  You never know what.  It can be a sunset, a billboard…or even the actions of a little girl.

If you’ve been watching the news lately, you know that the North Eastern states have been getting their collective asses kicked by Mother Nature. Last week, the region got over 24 inches of snow and right now, it’s getting another 24.  It’s been brutal with blankets of white coming with cold, harsh winds.

I spent part of the afternoon shoveling my car out in the blizzard; if you wait too long, the snow freezes, and you’re shoveling heavy blocks of white ice. I’d been out there for about a half hour when a little girl approached me with her own little shovel and starts digging right beside me.  She couldn’t be any older than six.  I turned to her and smiled as she swung her shovel back and forth.  She made more of a mess than anything, but she tried as hard as she could.

We’d been digging for about 10 minutes before her mother called to her to come inside. She yelled back, “Mom, I’m helping the man shovel snow.  I’ll be in in a minute.”  I turned to tell her that she should listen to her mother and go inside.

“Mister, you sure you’ll be ok with out me?  It’s a lot of snow.”

“Yes,” I chuckled,”I’ll be fine.  And thank you.”

She threw her shovel over her shoulder after a hard 10 minutes’ work and left.  But she did more work than I did all day.  Because it was genuine.  All she wanted to do was help.  She didn’t want anything for it. I offered her a few bucks as she left but she said she was just glad to help.

And as they say a good deed in infectious.  After I finished with my car, I walked over to another guy who was shoveling and helped him.  And then he in turn went to help someone else.

That little girl’s actions inspired me to help someone else.   It also made me think of why I started this blog: to tell my story and to help other people where I can.  If I can help someone be a better man, that’s a good thing.

Maybe there are some good people out there after all.  It’s sad that most of them are probably still in the first grade.

Feel free to comment.

BlockStandard.com

Afternoon, Man Among Boys readers.  Instead of giving you a blog today, I want to tell you about a new collaboration called Block Standard (www.blockstandard.com).

Block Standard is a collective of like-minded and like mission men who decided to pool their individual insights into one blog for the immediate dissemination of information that enables you to improve your money-making capabilities. You’re going to get a lot of different views from different people from a lot of different angles, each building on the other.

The goal is to empower you with knowledge.  What you do with it is completely up to you.

Block Standard…“Redefine Your Corner”

When You Leave Me With No Choice…

A man needs to know when to maintain his calm.  It is important not to jump to conclusion too quickly and keep cool in testy situations…

And there’s a time to act a fool.  Yes I said it.

Some people don’t understand rational behavior and logic.  There are some people you just can’t talk to, and they’re usually at the extreme ends of the spectrum:

• Incredibly stupid – They can’t process what you’re saying and it gets frustrating to talk to them
• Incredibly educated – They think they know everything everything and don’t have to listen (basically, they’re classing you as the former)

In these cases, if walking away isn’t an option, you may have to set social protocol aside and show your ass to make a point.

In a previous post, I told you that my son was in the hospital.  They were able to temporarly help with his pain, but aren’t able to find the source. We’ve been told several things from several different specialists, doctors, and nurses.  Instructions from the daytime covering physician are different from the night time physician.   And in the middle is my son, still in pain.

The doctors came into the room to discuss what type of testing we should do. One doctor would put one plan in motion while another would do some thing entirely different on the next shift.  What one nurse told my ex-wife differed from what they told me.

We tried to talk to the nurses and doctors rationally, asking all the appropriate questions and wanting explainations. What we received was the usual generic phrases followed by an air of “we’re the professionals, keep your simple asses out of the let us handle it.”  And for a while, we did.  I mean, they’re the experts, right?  They are supposed to help us.

Doctors would come in the room in huddles to poke and prod while they guessed at what the cause could be.  It seemed that no one had a clue as to what they were doing.  Finally…I had enough…

“THIS SOME BULLSH*T!  YOU MUTHAF*CKAZ BETTER GET IT RIGHT!  IT’S GONNA BE SOME PROBLEMS IF SH*T DON’T GET STRAIGHT!”

For those who know me, usually I’m a soft-spoken fellow who will try to reason with you.  I really do.  I’m an educated man.  A learned man.  But they didn’t respect that. I tried to be polite and no one wanted to listen.

Now there’s a 2000 pound gorilla in the room wishing a muthaf*cka would come out their mouth sideways.

I followed that with other things that I’d rather not say in polite company but my tirade got things moving.  The chief hospital administrator got involved and started to put things in motion.   It was explained how f*cked up our experience was and that he needed to get his people in gear. After that, he got things moving.

So I had to get “ish” and act like I had no home training.  But sh*t is getting done.

Feel free to comment.

Falling For The Okie Doke

When we’re going through a bad situation or seeking help, we often look for someone to analyze our problems.  This leaves vulnerable, and we’ll listen to just about anyone that lends an ear and seems to know what they’re talking about.

That’s very dangerous.  When you’re at your lowest is when you need to hear what people are saying the most.  There are millions of snake oil salesmen out there that lack substance, but because it sounds like relieving words at a time of need, we take it as gospel.

That’s when people fall for the “okie doke.”

For those of you who don’t know what that “okie doke” is, that’s when someone gets played for a fool.  Think of all those internet scams out there that promise $1000 a day for 15 minutes work…and all you have to do is make 3 payments of $39.95 for it.  That sounds like a godsend…but if it were that easy, there wouldn’t be a broke ass on the planet.   A lot of people fall for the “okie doke” on a regular basis.

The reason I bring this up is I was listening to an urban radio station today and heard a classic example of the “okie doke”.  A psychic was on and invited people to call in and discuss their problems.  A  young woman named Trina called in to ask the psychic if she should stay with her child’s father.  She said he comes around to spend time with her and the baby, but that they don’t see eye to eye.

A slick talker would be able to take a lot out of the italicized passage and use leading questions to guide someone in the direction they want the conversation to go in, luring them into the “okie doke”.  The psychic skillfully asked  series of questions that didn’t really say much, but had Trina thinking she was the second coming….

You probably feel overwhelmed with work and taking care of the baby, right?

Uh, no sh*t.  Basically, Trina’s a single mom, and there may be no tougher job in the world than that. Unless she’s on welfare, she’s working.  I know I talk a lot of sh*t about the ladies, but I acknowledge and appreciate the hard work a single mom puts in holding down a 40 hour a week job, and then coming home to cook dinner and help the kids with homework.  She must be tough in a tough situation.

The psychic made Trina feel appreciated, like someone out there understands what she’s going through.  Whether the psychic was single and had children or not is irrelevant; she made Trina feel like she could relate and played the sympathetic friend.

The first part of the “okie doke” is to make someone feel like they are safe and can trust you; a boa constrictor always hugs its prey before squeezing it to death.

(On a Side Note:  Some of you ladies brought this upon yourselves. A lot of times, you nagged a good man to death and drove him away.  The next time you want to blame someone, look in the mirror instead of calling your girlfriends and complaining that there are no good men out there.  He wanted to help with kids with homework and make family time, but you were steady b*tchin’ about the toilet seat being up.  The toilet seat is down now, but there’s no man in sight.  Dummy.)

There were probably money issues, right?

That’s not exactly a leap of faith since money is one of, if not the, top reason couples separate, whether it be one uses it to control the other, or just that the bills and necessities aren’t being taken care of.  And we the current economic state of the country, chances are money issues would apply to Trina too.

Even though he come by to see the baby and make family time, you’re still not happy, right?

All the psychic did here is repeat what Trina first told her but in the form of a question.  She didn’t really add anything, but the way she phrased the question makes it seem like she did, kind of like the “Great Repeater” at the office, who just repeats everything everyone else says with a few gestures and some big words thrown in.

xxxxxxxxx…RIGHT?

Notice how the psychic ended each question with the word right.  She’s TELLING Trina these are the reasons for her issues, even if they aren’t.  Right isn’t used to confirm, but to control.  For someone already having troubles, hearing that this is right is like finding the cause to your problems…even though they are something all together different.

After Trina hung up, I’m sure she felt like she had the source of all her problems…but she really didn’t get much help.

That’s the “okie doke” for you.  Feel free to comment.

Don’t Be Scared To Take An A** Whuppin…

Nobody likes to lose.  Thanks just how we were brought up.  To win.  To do our best…and if we do our best, we can call ourselves the victor and hoist the trophy high above our heads.

That isn’t always a good thing.

I remember reading an article in the December 14 edition of ESPN The Magazine by Jay Bilas (not usually a fan of his, but it make for good reading while in the sauna).  He was talking about the value of playing in early tournaments in college basketball, and made some very good points.  In those early tournaments, teams usually play out very good, out-of-conference teams instead of their usual in-conference cupcakes. A lot of times they’re in a tough matchup or even lose, but there can be some value in that.

In the article, Bilas quotes Michigan State coach Tom Izzo as saying “You’re fooling yourself if you think you can be ready without playing the best teams early.  But you can’t be fooled when you’re getting your butt kicked in a fistfight. You need that fistfight to get better, to evaluate your team and yourself.”

That got me to thinking about how we can apply that in life. A man shouldn’t be afraid to test himself against a tough challenge, whether that be interviewing for a new position or trying to step out on your own.  Whether you fail or succeed, you’ll learn a lot about yourself that you can build on.

Taking a loss will let you know what you have to work on.  It could expose the slightest detail that you’re lacking.  You might be good at initiating contact, but suck at “closing the deal.” You might be able to develop new ideas, but your ability to present them to the powers-that-be might be lacking.  Develop these and that will make you stronger.

However, if you take a greater challenge and succeed, that’s a great confidence boost and confirms that you’re ready to move on to bigger and better things.  Dunking on your 5 year old little brother says that you have a twisted view of family time.  Dunking on Lebron James says that you might be ready to don an NBA uniform yourself.

But the key to all of this is that…you can’t be scared to take an ass whuppin.  You can’t be scared to take a greater challenge because you might fail.  You can’t think about the fact that you might fail.  It you take the greater challenge, you just might surprise yourself.

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. – Michael Jordan, arguably the greatest player of all time

I think that says it all.  Feel free to comment.

Welcome To 2010…Ready or Not

Evening, all.  By the time you read this, I’ll have made my annual trek to Atlanta to celebrate New Years Eve.  I love Atlanta.  I have some good friends there and the party scene is just what I need to end a very trying 2009.  I’m going to go out tonight and pop a few bottles with some friends, and maybe even make some new ones.  You know, cut loose a little bit and act a fool…within reason, of course.

This year was troubling, but I did get a few things accomplished.  I was able to move on and put the past behind me, as you’ve read in some of my posts.  I started this blog to reach out to people and tell what men are all about.  I was able to refocus and get back to doing ME.  I guess those are a few good things.

We all talk about making New Year’s resolutions as if they are going to be the gateway to some magical new lifestyle.  Some people believe in them, some people don’t.  I’m not going to debate with you about whether they work or not.  As Henry Ford said, “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.”

I’ve decided it’s time to make a change.  Not the type of hopeful, Obama change, but the type of real, soul-searching change what will decide my future and what I’ll do moving forward (Note:  Get it in gear, Mr. President.  We need to see more of the change you promised in 2010.)

That brings me to my New Year’s resolution that I’m going to make, my change.  I’m going to live by a quote I was taught by a supervisor I used to work under, Mr. Wingate.  When I was in college, I worked at the state’s central branch of the Post Office loading bulk containers onto trucks.  Whenever you told him you couldn’t be done, you got the same answer from him…

“I can’t accept can’t.”

Somehow, I’d forgotten that I.  I’d changed from the cocky, young SOB who wasn’t afraid to try anything to a guy who was more timid.  F*** that.  I can’t be that guy anymore.  I’m not that guy anymore.  So that’s my resolution for 2010, to live by ”I can’t accept can’t.”

(That and “That’s not puttin’ chips in my pocket, pat-naaaa!”  Shout out to Freeman.  If you haven’t checked out his site, take a look at Rise And Grind ( www.riseandgrind.com).  It’s a good read.)

I’d be interested to hear about your resolutions.  What changes are you making for the New Year?  And why aren’t you starting them now?

So go out tonight, party, dance, sip some champagne or grape juice for my 21 and under friends, and have a great time.  But get home safe.

Have a Happy New Year.  Feel free to comment.

From B.D.P To N.I.K.E??

Before we get into the meat of the post, I’m going to tell you that in order to understand it, you have to know something about hip-hop.  I don’t mean that garbage Lil’ Wayne puts out, society’s modern-day obsession with the auto tune (every artist that uses it should pay homage to Roger Troutman), or that commercialized stuff that has the BK King grabbin’ the mic.

I mean real, old school, hip-hop.  Beat Street.  Krush Groove.  Treacherous 3.  Cardboard boxes on the sidewalk.  Furry Kangols.  If you don’t know about this stuff, you can try to keep up, but you might not get it.

I was watching television today and I came across this Nike commercial.  It’s a good commercial, but as soon as I heard “the voice”, I was shocked:

Don’t get me wrong.  I like the commercial.  It’s catchy and will help sell sneakers.  But in case you don’t know, the black Santa is the “blastmaster” KRS-One.

The legendary KRS-One. The leader of the mighty BoogieDown Productions.  The same KRS-One that destroyed the careers of MC Shan and the Juice Crew. The same KRS-One that is arguably the greatest lyricist of all time (I’m more partial to Rakim, but I can understand the argument.)

KRS-One was always the conscious mirror of hip-hop.  He wasn’t in it for the money, but for the art.  He always prided himself on doing it for the love.  He bashed those artists who he thought crossed over to the commercialized side.  In fact, he once threw another group off stage during their own performance for not doing what he coined “real hip hop”.

One of the things I admired about him as a man was that he stood steadfast in his beliefs, whether or not they were popular or even the most lucrative.

And now he’s doing sound overs for puppets???

The only reasons I didn’t put this in the “Just Not Manly” category are:

1. It’s KRS-One.  He’s a legend.
2. I’ll never knock someone for trying to earn an honest buck.  That’s insane.

But I have to question this.  To paraphrase a Lauren Hill lyric, did he gain the whole world for the price of his soul?  Did he sell out the art that he helped create?

Or maybe I just hate seeing good old school hip hop wasted on dancing, shucking and jiving puppets.

To all my old school hip hop heads out there…did KRS-One sell out hip hop?  As a man, did he go against his core principles and turn his back on the house he helped build?  This is something lighter for the holiday season, but it’s getting to me…

Feel free to comment.

Act Your Age

I have to face facts…I’m getting older.  But that’s all a part of growing up.  A part of becoming a man among boys.

That’s why it always irks me to hear people say they’re “young at heart” and “you’re only as old as you feel.”  It’s every easy to take those statements out of context.

People often use those as excuses not to grow up.

On his  “Kingdom Come” album” (not his best work, but ok), Jay-Z even made song called “30 Something” where he talks about 30 being the new 20.

Sorry, bro…30 is 30.

When people say things like “young at heart”, they fool themselves into thinking they have more time than they do.  They think that they have time plan for retirement, time to solidify their career, time to start a family.  That’s very dangerous.

Life is just a series of decisions you make that are strung together.  Once you go down a path it, helps to determine your future choices.  Time is something you can’t get back once you lose it. There is an old quote that goes “each day brings 86,400 seconds, whatever isn’t used is gone forever”.  You can’t get that back, no matter how many miles you run, how many vitamins you take, or how much plastic surgery you get.  You can’t turn back the clock, no matter how much you try to fool yourself into thinking you can.

Instead of looking back and trying to recapture youth, why don’t we look forward and try to build a future?  You’ll be older much longer than you’ll be younger, so isn’t that what you should prepare for?

I think a lot of what drives us to want to go back is fear and responsibility.  15 years ago, my only responsibilities were to make sure I got to class on time and that I wore protection so I didn’t have any kids.  Now, I have a son of my own, bills to pay, strategic responsibilities at the office, and taxes to pay to Uncle Sam’s bum ass (get yo hands out my pockets!).  There’s a lot more at stake now.

There’s also a lot more opportunity. Sure things can and will go wrong, but what if things go right.  With the experience and resources, you can accomplish a lot.  Fear is just an opportunity to prove yourself.

Stop always looking to go back.  As Billy Joel sang, “the good ol’ days weren’t always good, and tomorrow ain’t as bad as it seems.”

Will you start acting your age?  Feel free to comment.

“Then Again, I Always Been Lucky When It Comes To Killin’ Folk”

I just finished watching “Unforgiven” on AMC; it’s one of my all-time favorite movies along with “A Soldier’s Story” and “The Five Deadly Venoms” (shout out to all my old school Channel 5 Kung Fu Theater heads out there).

“Unforgiven” is a 1992 western starring and directed by Clint Eastwood,who plays the lead character, William Munny.  Munny is a man who tried to change his life of crime but is drawn back to what he is.  He , his best friend and fellow reformed outlaw Ned (played by Morgan Freeman), and a young gun called “The Schofield Kid” (Jaimz Woolvett),  seek to collect a bounty placed on two men who cut up a town whore.  During the search, Ned is killed by sheriff Lil’ Bill (Gene Hackman) and Munny realizes that he has to be who he is, an outlaw without conscience and killer of women and children.  The climax of the movie is the final confrontation between Munny and Lil’ Bill and his band of deputies.  Munny kills them all and rides off into the dark rainy night.

“You better bury Ned right, and you better not cut or otherwise harm no whores.  Or I’ll come back and kill all you sons of b*tches.”

That got me to thinking…when we say that we’ve changed, are we just lying to ourselves?  Do we ever really change or are we what we are and is all that “change” just fancy window dressing?

I know that we change. We grow physically, become more educated, and even (supposedly) mature with age.  But does that change who we are?  We go through trials and tribulations and are molded by experience, but do we really change at our core?

William Munny thought he changed.  He married and had two children.  He and his family took to farm life, raising crops.  They lived in peace. But Munny really wasn’t good at farm life; it really wasn’t what he wanted, even though he tried to embrace the change  After his wife died and he was left to raise his children on his own, it got even harder.  Eventually, he went back to what he was good at, “killin’ folk”, as he put it.  In the end, he was what he was,  even if that was a ruthless killer with an evil disposition.

Sometimes,  I hear people talk about how relationships, having a good man or woman in your life,  will foster change, or that if you “find God”, that  will add something that will bring the best out in you…

(Note:  I always shake my head when people say they “found God.”  That is something people said to puff up their pride and feel good about themselves.  You don’t “find God”.  God was never lost, you were; God finds you when he thinks you’re ready to accept him.  I always wondered about that.  Anyway, back to the topic at hand.)

I disagree with that.  I think that we all have a core set of values, beliefs, and even mannerisms that define who we are.  Those don’t really change, and I don’t think any relationship or experience will change that.  Think back to all the times y0u promised yourself you’d change something.  Did you always follow through?  Is it so hard to accept who we are?

I’m not trying to imply that change isn’t good.  If you’re an absentee or a bad father, dammit, do right by your kids and become a better one.  But what do you do if it’s just not in you? How do you go against who you are, the fabric of your being, and become something you weren’t meant to be?

How do you accept who you are, even if that isn’t who you want to be?  I don’t think William Munny wanted to be a ruthless killer, or else he wouldn’t have tried to change…but in the end, that’s who he was.

Can you accept who you are, even if it’s not who you want to be?  And be honest with yourself? Do you think we can change who we are at our core?  Feel free to comment.

If Your Life Was A Book

This post will be very short, because I want more feedback from you this time.  Part of being a man is learning more about your fellow man.  So I have a question:

If your life was a book, what book would it be?  In asking that question, I’m assuming that you all read something other than a sports page or one of those cheesy gossip magazines.

Now, don’t go claiming the Bible or Koran, thinking that you’re blameless and upright like Job.  If you do, when the lightnin’ bolt comes and zaps you square in the forehead, don’t say you weren’t warned.

I could try to play it cool and say the book that would describe me best would be “Pimp: The Story of My Life” by Robert Beck (aka Iceberg Slim), but honestly, I stopped pimpin’ a while ago.  Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.

If I had to pick a book, it would probably be “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” by Robert Louis Stevenson.  Everyone has two sides to them, and depending on the situation, one side takes over.  For some it takes a confrontation to bring that side out. For others, it’s dark liquor.  Some people are just naturally assh*les and act like that all the time.

So, if your life was a book, what book would it be?  Feel free to comment.